THE SMALL THINGS

Stoicism, it turns out, can only get you so far. I think: did I know this, and forget it? Did wish-thinking take over, so that I dreamt up a...

The sun is shining and I’m determined to mine the beauty and the joy out of this day. I spent time with my sweet mares, drove round the Scot...

This morning, the Stepfather and I, for the first time, carefully, delicately, tentatively, spoke about the nature of our grief. We obviousl...

I’m back in the missing stage, today. Yesterday I was in the stripped of my skin stage. The day before I was in the baffled, hit a brick wal...

I laughed. I cried. I absolutely refused to wear black. I wore a mad dress covered in butterflies, and my mother’s pearls. There was a lot o...

Got the horses all rugged up yesterday for Storm Abigail, and then came down this morning to find this enchanting scene – sunshine and happy...

I have just made some cheese puffs. I have no idea why. I have never made a cheese puff in my life. I am practising for my mother’s wake, wh...

Yesterday, my ship was sinking. We were taking on water, and no matter how hard I bailed, the poor battered old craft was wallowing in the h...

I now move into the vastness stage. The vastness stage sounds like something from Glastonbury, the place where all the prog rockers go to st...

Yesterday, I decided I would take a day off from grief. I was going to have a happy day. I was perfectly prepared for failure (failure and I...

I’m in the crying stage. I’ve been through shock, irrational fury, stoicism and looking on the bright side. Now every word, every memory, ev...

I felt like a wounded bear today. I countered it with work. I gave my whole day to HorseBack and that was a good thing. My mother would have...

All the sun has gone and there is a low dreich in its place. This morning, I went to get some more flowers for my stepfather. For some reaso...

Last night, I had a dream. I did not dream I went to Manderley again but that I was chatting to Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall. (I know that pe...