Tuesday, 12 August 2014

Never send to know.

It’s quite an odd thing, to cry for a stranger. One may feel sadness and melancholy and regret for so many deaths: the ones in the newspapers which run into horrifying statistics, almost beyond the ability of the brain to process, like the Yazidis or the Syrians or the Gazans, or those closer to home, the teenage car crashes or fire fatalities reported in the local press. John Donne’s lines live always with me:

Any man's death diminishes me,
Because I am involved in mankind,
And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls;
It tolls for thee. 

But still, to find oneself weeping blindly in an ordinary kitchen, making an ordinary cup of coffee, on an ordinary, rainy Scottish morning, because of the death of a famous person, as if that person were a best beloved – that is quite strange.

And yet, perhaps it is entirely explicable. Many other people seem to have had the same reaction to the shocking loss of Robin Williams. I sat with a friend in the field in the rain, as the red mare listened, and tried to work it all out. It was not just the straight sadness of a bright spirit snuffed out too soon. It was not only the thought of the family and friends left bereft. It was, we thought, the terrible poignancy of a man who gave so much joy, who lifted up so many hearts, being unable to stop himself from sinking.

We came back to the same line: if Robin Williams could not make it, who could?

Perhaps too there was the contemplation of the power of those demons, which robbed him of hope. If they could overcome such a dazzling, inventive mind, such a good heart, such a glittering talent, they must have been almost supernatural in their agency. The thought of the long fight he must have waged with them was one of unimaginable terror.

Depression is a bastard, and it is a thief. It is random and it does not discriminate. It takes the brilliant and the beautiful, the kind and the good, the funny and the clever. It does not give a shit how much you are adored or how much joy you give or how many prizes you win. It is no respecter of money or class or fame.

As the affection and grief roll round the internet, my friend and I say, as one: if only he knew how much he was loved. There is the silent, melancholy rider: it would have made no difference. Depression does not count blessings. Blessings, ironically, may make the sufferer feel even worse. How dare I be afflicted when I have all this?

Out in the open prairies of the web, where so often the craziness of crowds lives, comes the wisdom of crowds. People are shining lights into those dark corners where debilitation and shame live. It’s a condition, they are saying, as real and painful as a broken leg. You can’t fix a shattered limb by the power of thought or will; you can’t say to someone with a smashed femur, cheer up, butch up, man up. Don’t be afraid to ask, people are saying; stretch out your hand for help. There is help, there are people who love you, you are not alone.

Ordinary people, touched by this extraordinary man, are remembering Captain, my Captain, and wanting to stand on their desks and be remarkable.

I met Robin Williams once. I was a waitress in a tiny café  in a valley in Scotland, and I went over to a table and asked the new arrivals what they would like, and stared straight into that familiar, smiling, open face. I have an odd benchmark of character: I judge people very much on how they treat waiters. Williams was enchanting. He was gracious and polite and regular; he had no sense at all of the Big I Am. He was gentle and quiet, with no trace of that wild, manic, public persona. The other lovely thing, in that small highland village, was that everyone left him alone. Nobody pointed or stared or asked for his autograph. They gave him the courtesy of allowing him to be an ordinary man, just for one day.

I have a fantasy in my mind that he ordered the special lentil soup that I had made that morning. It was a long time ago. I think he probably did not have the soup. I think he just had a cup of coffee. I prided myself on my barista skills, newly learnt, and I made the hell out of that cup of coffee. I don’t expect you can really judge someone on one brief transactional meeting, but I was left with the impression of a very, very nice man. A gentle goodness shone out of him like starlight. Perhaps that is why so many people, from the humblest waitress to the most storied Hollywood star, are so sad.

He did not belong to us. I think of the heartbreaking moment in Out of Africa, where Meryl Streep looks down bleakly on a mound of dry earth and says: ‘Now take back the soul of Denys Finch-Hatton, whom you have shared with us. He brought us joy, and we loved him well. He was not ours, he was not mine.’

And yet, so many of my generation feel as if Robin Williams was stitched into the fabric of our lives, from Mork and Mindy in our youth, through Good Morning Vietnam and Dead Poets’ Society in our formative years, to the later, darker films of our middle age. He was so reliably present that perhaps many of us thought he would always be there.

There is something tragically democratic in his loss. Perhaps that too is what speaks to every bruised heart. He might have seemed to live up on that higher plane, where coruscating invention and wild talent and universal fame exist, in the troposphere where ordinary mortals may not go. Yet this kind, funny, haunted man was no more immune from the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune than the most workaday amongst us.

I very rarely use the universal we. I don’t like to speak for anyone else. But I’m not sure I have seen such an agreement on anything, in the rushing new age of the internet. There are no dissenting voices, no snide remarks, no cheap jokes. There is a collective sense of love and sadness, in their most authentic, unifying form.

In the end, there is not much point in trying to understand or dissect the extraordinary reaction to the death of one brilliant man. In the end, it is what it is. It is a shining light gone out, a brave soul lost, a fighting heart broken.

He gave us joy, and we loved him well.

Go free, now.
 
12 Aug 1

As I choose this picture, I think:

Tell someone you love how much you love them; take solace in the small things; be kind, because everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle; lift your eyes up to the hills. Those are my resolutions for today.


















120 comments:

  1. Beautifully said Tania, thank you.

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  2. I've been haunted by sadness today too. He was a man I always wanted to meet. Even though you knew he had demons, somehow you couldn't help but feel that if you could just meet him, touch his hand, look into his eyes, you could somehow help.Nonsense of course. I feel sure he must have known how much he was loved - though he may not have been able to believe he deserved it. It's a really sad loss and you're so right Tania. Depression is a bastard.

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  3. I bought your book for my sister when it was first published, and, today, used the quote 'backwards, in high heels' in my column. And now, via facebook, I have stumbled upon this. So shiver-down-the-spine-y. And so beautifully put.

    Lynne Barrett-Lee

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  4. Thank you for this. I was still half-asleep when I heard the news, and found myself in tears without entirely knowing why. Now I know why.
    x

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    1. I want to testify to the glory of Lord Masuka, the spell caster that helped me restored my marriage. It all started when my husband came back home acting weird for no reason, I tried to find out what was going on but he refused talking to me for days, he woke up one morning telling me that he need a break and he left without any clue where he's going on, I was so shocked and devastated because I have done nothing wrong to him rather than being a supporting wife, I cried all day, one fateful evening I saw series of comments on how Lord Masuka had restored collapsed marriage, so I decided to give him a try. He assured me that all hope are not lost yet, I followed the instructions he gave me, to my greatest surprise my husband who had left me for months without a call came to my work place and begged for forgiveness, now we are happy family because of Lord Masuka. To as many of you having issues in your relationship, marriages Lord Masuka is the answer to your problem, contact him today via email lordmasukaspelltemple@hotmail.com or WhatsApp him +1(234)-307-0752. You can also visit his website for more info https://lordmasukaspelltem3.wixsite.com/masuka?

      Delete
  5. Exactly what Gilly has expressd. I wish so much I was able to meet him, I always dreamed of it as a kid, but who knows what was going on in his mind, we just have to hope he's better now, that he's not suffering any more. I hope.

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  6. A wonderful sentiment and a beautiful recollection of character. Thank you for this. He will definitely be missed.

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  7. Beautifully said...thank you.

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  8. There are no more words, except perhaps, Carpe Diem! x

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  9. "There is the silent, melancholy rider: it would have made no difference. Depression does not count blessings. Blessings, ironically, may make the sufferer feel even worse. How dare I be afflicted when I have all this?"

    ^^^ So much truth. I used to feel so guilty for being depressed when I knew that my life was so much more "blessed" than so many other people's lives.

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  10. I have lived for over 25 years with a husband who suffers from bi-polar and the depression part is indeed scary. While Robin Williams' death brings suicide and depression into global consciousness, you are right that people often miss the point. You can and should support but, in the end, your love can't save someone with severe depression. If they are fortunate, the sufferer can get through the worst and come out on the other side with professional help and medication. If you've never been there you can never fully comprehend the darkness, despair and guilt. I don't pretend to understand it, but I have certainly seen it.

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and this beautiful bit of writing.

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    1. The only way to understand it is to live it or observe it from clinical viewpoint. Depression is not a bastard. Even bastards are loved, and according to Holy writ, we are all bastard sons and daughters.

      I live with the bi-polarity demons and I live despite them. I often embrace the illness as my muse because some of my best work comes in the midst or at the end of an embrace. When it grips me I try to grip back--not letting it win. Robin Williams had another illness to deal with as well, as if being bi-polar wasn't enough.

      Your love is good medicine. Your husband is blessed to have found such a love as you.

      Be well.

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  11. Hard as it is to accept, he is at peace now. He doesn't need to feel the way he did any longer.
    Whilst we think typically; we look on death as a deep descent into the unknown. In Depression one looks across to death as a solution. Depression siezes and crushes. It distorts. We must be there for one another.

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  12. Dear god,your eloquence is so poinient and beautiful that it made me cry.Think this is the best tribute I have ever read.x

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  13. You said everything I could not say. I was numb; I cried on the spot when I heard the news; I cried bitterly and passionately. I cried again and again throughout the day that wrought such sad news... But reading your fine work here - you have done something really rather fine. You said it all, and you said it very well indeed. THANK YOU. x

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    Replies
    1. I want to testify to the glory of Lord Masuka, the spell caster that helped me restored my marriage. It all started when my husband came back home acting weird for no reason, I tried to find out what was going on but he refused talking to me for days, he woke up one morning telling me that he need a break and he left without any clue where he's going on, I was so shocked and devastated because I have done nothing wrong to him rather than being a supporting wife, I cried all day, one fateful evening I saw series of comments on how Lord Masuka had restored collapsed marriage, so I decided to give him a try. He assured me that all hope are not lost yet, I followed the instructions he gave me, to my greatest surprise my husband who had left me for months without a call came to my work place and begged for forgiveness, now we are happy family because of Lord Masuka. To as many of you having issues in your relationship, marriages Lord Masuka is the answer to your problem, contact him today via email lordmasukaspelltemple@hotmail.com or WhatsApp him +1(234)-307-0752. You can also visit his website for more info https://lordmasukaspelltem3.wixsite.com/masuka?

      Delete
  14. Wow, this is so beautifully written, and so true. I wrote a piece this morning about depression and the loss of Robin Williams, would love it if you could read it. http://wishingforthevintagelife.blogspot.co.uk/2014/08/robin-williams-in-memoriam.html?m=1

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  15. Beautiful simply beautiful. I have spent the day under a cloud of sadness at the passing of this wonderful man who touched so many. Today is my wedding anniversary but have felt no joy only sadness.

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  16. A wonderful tribute beautifully written about a brilliant and funny man.. a light gone out, so sad.

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  17. Thank you for this wonderful,eloquent,fitting,moving tribute,the finest I have read today.It has been a very difficult day here and around the world as we all mourn our loss.Depression is a bastard,an insidious illness with no light in the darkness.I pray Robin Williams is now bathed in light and at peace

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  18. I wept in front of the TV tonight, listening to the messages of condolence and thought I must be hormonal (again), because I didn't know this famous person even though he had given me so many pleasurable moments. So thank you for your words, you put it so well. "It is what it is". Hx

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  19. I think you summed up what so many of us are feeling/thinking.
    Today I woke up, drank my coffee and also cried for the loss of this lovely, wonderful soul I felt I knew, but never met.
    It was so hard to believe someone so well loved and respected world over, could feel so crippled by sadness.
    There will be just a little less laughter in the world without this lovely human being.

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  20. Your beautiful words have me in tears again and this sums up completely everything I've felt today. Thank you

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  21. Michelle Hatings12 August 2014 at 23:19

    I have suffered with depression for over 25 years & at times I have considered the alternative to this agony. Not just my agony but the agony I put those closest to me through, It seems unfair that they should suffer my crazy illness too . However, i have already lost two close family members to suicide, my Dad & my brother & have felt the guilt, pain, stigma , torment & helplessness , the impact of suicide on those left behind never diminish. They got in first .......so how could I possibly , another family member put the rest of my family through suicide again. So I go on , not really enjoying life , missing my loved ones , wondering what If........ suicide is not the answer but understanding , empathy , proper diagnosis, continuous support & therapy is , unfortunately most don't get this until they have attempted & failed at suicide. I have never been offered proper psiciatric help , even after years of taking meds ...but still, some will slip through the net , the brain is complex , will we ever understand depressive illness ???


























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    Replies
    1. Hi, I don't know you.. But I feel your pain. I, too, have been suicidal almost all my teen and adult life.. There's a great pressure in thinking we're leaving our loved ones behind with this heavy question why we would do such a horrible thing. I learned to take one day at a time. I saw a doctor for 6 months or so.. I distracted myself by learning new things (YouTube taught me how to bake). Then I became a mother, and life has become more meaningful. Maybe these are things you already know or have in your life.. But one thing's for certain, it will only get better if you let it. Let the joy in. When you start thinking of something sad, look at the silver lining. It's never too late to step back from the ledge. One step at a time, my dear.. Be safe always.

      Delete
    2. Oh, dear God, Michelle. I am so sorry for your loss. Talk therapy should go hand in hand with medications. Psychiatrists prescribe but they are not good at the talk and listening parts of mental illness. Trained, licensed talk therapists help you understand your illness, help you deal with the symptoms and side effects of the medications, they take the burden of listening and support from the shoulders of family members, they are there in a crisis, they teach you how to survive and then . . . Hold on to your hair pins! They teach you how to thrive! We don't have to die by suicide or by being shot and killed by police. We don't have to drink ourselves to death or over dose on illegal drugs. Please, do a bit of research then find a talk therapist who works for you. And be well.

      Delete
  22. I too wept this morning at this news. My daughter is afflicted by the curse of depression. I see the signs but often feel powerless to halt her spiral into a dark place. I listen and offer hugs but I know that may not be enough. My heart goes out to Robin Williams family.

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  23. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  24. Such a beautiful article. Powerful and eloquent words. I could not have expressed it so well myself, but do share your emotions. I, too, wondered why I was so tearful last night on hearing the news, and all day today .. unable to get it out of my head. As the daughter of a suicide "victim" (my father), and the wife (for 24 years and counting) of a husband with clinical depression, I guess I have my own "experience" that makes this seem all too up close and personal. There, but for the grace of God, go so many more of us. We will never understand, but can only "live with" the consequences of mental ill-health, for better and worse, and hope to find a path through the pain. RIP Robin Williams, and peace to your family and friends.

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  25. Thank you for expressing everything I felt so beautifully..

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  26. Beautifully, beautifully said. Thank you.

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  27. Semper Fidelis..life goes on..farewell

    ReplyDelete
  28. I wasn't fond of Robin Williams as an artist. He frightened me, drove me into a corner where I could clearly see his pain and the threat of what has now occurred, and yet, like almost everyone I've spoken to, I felt this deep loss. I didn't cry. I cried when John Lennon was shot, and I think it was because it wasn't a shock. It must have been harder for him than any of us can imagine. Thank you for your eloquent tribute. You write beautifully. I too met Mr. Williams - payed pool against him in L.A. sndf he was 'on', turned up to eleven as I recall/ What a shame, and what can we do? Give out the Samaritans number and follow your sweet advice, Rick Jones@Mrfingerbobs.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Just like so many others here Williams' passing has deeply touched me, in a way I could not comprehend. I cried when I heard the news last night, I cried into my morning coffee and I blinked back tears on my commute as I was reading the tributes on Twitter. The girl sitting opposite me on the tube had tears in her eyes, the woman to her left looked sad too. Maybe they have their own stories, or maybe we were indeed three strangers mourning the loss of one wonderful human being that brought kindness into the world. I thought it was only my perception that made London seem quieter than usual today - having read this post, maybe it actually was.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Thank you for this moving post. I felt a bit of a fool when I awoke to the news of Williams' death and promptly cried my eyes out. Crying for a stranger's passing felt so strange, and, yet, as you mentioned, I had watched Mork and Mindy in my childhood and kept on watching all his work well into middle age. His death did feel, somehow, like a personal loss.

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  31. That was just so beautiful.

    My eyes are leaking.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Stephen Fry brought me here. Thank you for your eloquent tribute to Mr. Williams, a brilliantly talented human being.

    ReplyDelete
  33. This was beautiful. I feel so silly every time I breakdown thinking about him but at least I know I'm not alone. I grew up on his movies, so I feel like he's been with me my whole life. It truly feels like such a personal loss. My grief also stems from the realization that while he brought so much joy and laughter into so many lives, he was suffering so deeply and so hopelessly. It truly breaks my heart.

    I'll never forget roaming around San Francisco hoping to run into him. He was a legend, and more importantly, a decent human being. He will forever be missed. Rest easy, Robin. Thank you for everything.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Thank you for finding such elegance and truth in describing your reaction to this loss. Robin Williams was an incredibly giving man and with such genius that he could see his fellow travelers very well. He cared for them while he pointed out their foibles -with lightening, and then a chuckle. Until he couldn't. Yes, depression prevented him from seeing the Robin Williams we less gifted ones could see. I have been crying for about 2 months now, when I haven't been numb. It's a depression, I have to admit. But I haven't done enough, and I've made promises -- and as tiny as my wee sphere is, especially compared to someone like Mr Williams, I don't want to be the one to make it sadder. Not if I can help it. This is not a gift I would ask for, but this is what Mr Williams has left to me.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Beautiful writing. Thank you for this.

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  36. Well said and so what I needed to hear. All day I've been repeating "Captain, my captain" in my head and seeing Williams in various guises and roles and feeling a weird kind of mourning for someone I never really knew...you've done a good thing here and I appreciate it.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Thank you for putting in words what I feel.

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  38. Exaclty my feeling, my thoughts, my mourning, my crying my eyes out over the loss of this beautiful soul. I asked myself the same questions and gave myself the same answers as you.

    I wish I could fly myself into a future where this horrible horrible disease is no more than a footnote in history books, long gone and unable to rip up hearts anymore.

    Thank you for your words.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
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  39. What a beautiful tribute! Thanks for this post and thanks to Steohen Fry for taking me here. I also surprised myself bursting into tears after the shock and the struggle to convince myself that I had misread the name. I seem to have lost a close friend, even if I'd never met him. But, as you very eloquently put it, no one is really a stranger. Humani nihil a me alienum puto, and not just humans, every living being shares the same fate. He is now free and at peace, but I am haunted by just imagining the terrible pain that must have taken him to put an end to his life. Ample smile, sad eyes. Life in Peace now, dearest Robin.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Beautifully written and so, so true - I have tears in my eyes reading this, Bless you x

    ReplyDelete
  41. Thank you for your beautiful words and your understanding.

    ReplyDelete
  42. I felt, feel, the same way... as if he were someone I knew.

    "... we defy augury. There's a special
    providence in the fall of a sparrow. If it be now,
    'tis not to come; if it be not to come, it will be
    now; if it be not now, yet it will come:
    the readiness is all..."

    ReplyDelete
  43. I am astonished by the response to this post, and very touched. Thank you all so much for coming here and generously sharing your own words.

    ReplyDelete
  44. A thoughtful piece of writing.

    ReplyDelete
  45. I also read your post because of Stephen Fry. I'm very impressed of your really wise words, thank you so much for that. Rest in peace, truly great Robin Williams.

    Alice

    ReplyDelete
  46. Beautiful, insightful writing. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  47. What a beautiful post! I cried my eyes out as if I'd known him. He was a rather big part of my life, even if he was just a man on a tv screen.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Your post was shared on FB - think I have heard of you before. But your post about Robin was simply spot on - you managed to articulate exactly how I was feeling and help me understand why I was so so sad at this very sad news. I love Robin Williams - his work, talent, humour and just can't believe he has gone. His death as all deaths do - sharpened my senses yet again around the death of my beautiful daughter Ella just over 18 months ago - to cancer, a very different death - but a death. Thank you for writing so well

    ReplyDelete
  49. Beautiful words. Thank you for articulating what so many people are feeling right now!

    ReplyDelete
  50. This post is so very beautiful - thank you for that...

    ReplyDelete
  51. Tania, this was incredibly beautiful as others have said. At a celebratory service recently I heard a mother speak of the death of her son (he was killed in action), to 200 fresh faced graduates, and the thing she said that really stuck with me is that everyone must keep talking and not bottle things up. She was so brave, to stand up and speak so honestly as a mother. She had become a central point for his friends and comrades to meet and talk, and provided so much support to others. Having a husband with PTSD who asked for help from his Service (and had it in spades) and an uncle who didn't, this is something very close to my heart. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  52. Beautifully put, thank you for sharing
    liz from Paris

    ReplyDelete
  53. Sweet, touching, honest, beautiful. Thank you for this.

    ReplyDelete
  54. I have laughed and I have cried with and at Robin Williams. He has reminded me of what it is to be be human. Human and humane - thank you with all my heart. My sorrow is with his wife and children, my deepest condolences to them at this time.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Lovely, simply lovely. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  56. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  73. Its a real miracle Till today i still imagine how dr 0love brought back my man after he had vowed never to set his eyes on me again. he had even set the date for his wedding with another woman before i contacted dr 0love.
    He told me to leave everything to him because i told him if the wedding takes place i would commit suicide.
    After he cast the spell for me my man came back to me and said he wants to still marry on that date and the woman he wants is me and am so happy to announce that our wedding is coming up in 2 weeks time and i am still in contact with dr 0love till date because he is a very powerful man and a man to be trusted. CONTACT DR 0LOVE ON email: doctor0lovespell@gmail.com OR whatsapp him on: +1 (201) 781-2375 You can also visit his FB page: https://www.facebook.com/Lovespellthatworkfastusa  or view his website: ttps://doctor0lovespell.wordpress.com/

    ReplyDelete
  74. Five weeks ago my boyfriend broke up with me. It all started when i went to summer camp i was trying to contact him but it was not going through. So when I came back from camp I saw him with a young lady kissing in his bed room, I was frustrated and it gave me a sleepless night. I thought he will come back to apologies but he didn't come for almost three week i was really hurt but i thank Dr.Azuka for all he did i met Dr.Azuka during my search at the internet i decided to contact him on his email dr.azukasolutionhome@gmail.com he brought my boyfriend back to me just within 48 hours i am really happy. What’s app Contact : +44 7520 636249‬

    ReplyDelete
  75. HOW I GOT MY EX HUSBAND BACK WITH THE HELP OF REAL AND EFFECTIVE SPELL BY doctor0lovespell@gmail.com  My name is Wendy Ruth, I never thought I will smile again, My husband left me with two kids for one year, All effort to bring him back failed I thought I’m not going to see him again not until I met a lady called Jesse who told me about a spell caster called Dr. 0love , She gave me his email address and mobile number and I contacted him and he assured me that within 24hours my husband will come back to me, In less than 24hours my husband came back started begging for forgiveness saying it is the devils work, so I’m still surprise till now about this miracle, i couldn’t conceive but as soon as the spell was cast, i became pregnant and gave birth to my third child, if you need any assistance from him you can contact him via: email: doctor0lovespell@gmail.com Or WhatsApp or call him now: +1 (201) 781-2375 You can also visit his FB page: https://www.facebook.com/Lovespellthatworkfastusa  or view his website: https://doctor0lovespell.wordpress.com/

    ReplyDelete
  76. Trusted and reliable spell caster here in United States who can help fix your relationship or marriage problems with love spell. Contact him now through Email Miraclespellhome@gmail.com or call +1 (301) 970-9111

    My love life has changed for the better since the interference of the most powerful spell caster on earth called Dr. Miracle. My testimony today is in regard to the help that Dr. Miracle rendered me when my lover departed from me. My name is Angela Laplaca from the United States. It gives me joy today in writing this testimony as a way of showing my appreciation to Dr. Miracle. Happily I can say today I am living a happy life with my lover and also my Relationship life is restored and stable. Dr. Miracle saved my relationship from breaking up to a better relationship. My Boyfriend, who broke up with me before, is now loving me like crazy and I’m loving it! I am very much grateful for restoring peace in my relationship and at the same time I am using this opportunity to advise those that are finding stress and pains in their relationship or marriages to contact Dr. Miracle who is the best spell caster in the world through his contact details via Email:

    Miraclespellhome@gmail.com

    Text him or call: +1 (301) 970-9111

    ReplyDelete
  77. I TESTED POSITIVE TO HIV SINCE 2018

    I was told by my doctor that there's no possible cure for it but it can be suppressed with the use of medication!! I felt depressed & sad. I started taking my medication. I felt frustrated, so I tried to seek help online when I came across this website https://chiefdrluckyherbaltherapy.wordpress.com/ of a doctor called Chief Dr Lucky.  Also I saw a lot of testimonials about him on how he uses natural herbal medicine to cure HIV AIDS and numerous Infections & different kinds of disease as well. So I contacted him and told him my problems after a brief consultation with him. He Prepared and  sent me the herbal medicine and I took it as he instructed me, Then he called me 3weeks after to go and have a check-up!! It brought out testing negative, I felt calm a bit, and the doctor's day for more clarity I will have to come back after 1 week of which I did and tested negative for the second time !! I am so wow and grateful to this doctor whose medicine has NO SIDE EFFECT, there's no special diet when taking the medicine. He also have cure for 
    +HERPES 
    +CANCER
    +HEPATITIS
    +HIV/AIDS
    +PCOS
    +FIBROID
    You can contact him via Email: chiefdrlucky@gmail.com or whatsapp +2348132777335

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  78. REAL AND POWERFUL LOVE SPELL THAT WORK FAST AND EFFECTIVELY VISIT HIS WEBSITE: https://doctor0lovespell.wordpress.com/ 
    Hello everyone i know there is someone somewhere reading this, I want to share a great work of a spell caster called Dr 0Love my husband and i had a fight which led to our divorce but when he left me a part of me left with him and i was too sad and cried all day and night i was searching something online when i saw people testifying about Dr 0Love great work and i just decided to give him a try i did everything he told me to do and he assured me that after 24 hours my husband will come back to me, the next morning to my greatest surprised a car stopped outside my house and it was my husband i'm so happy he can also help you email him at doctor0lovespell@gmail.com or Whats-App him: +1 (201) 781-2375 you can also visit his FB page: 
    https://www.facebook.com/Lovespellthatworkfastusa

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  79. Hi everyone, my name is Abbie Moore, am from the United States . I want to share my wonderful testimony how I got back my husband back, who I sworn ever to be with until when he left me to another woman for no reason and I try to make things work for both of us yet things where getting worse and I love him so much and there is nothing I could do to get my husband back until I saw a testimony share by a woman called Lauren from Australia on the internet talking about a powerful spell caster called DR. WALE, who brought her husband back within 24hours, so I decide to give it a try and to my greatest surprise he also did it for me just as he did for Lauren and I have a lot of people complaining of fake spell caster but this one I met was a real spell caster who help me to solve my problem I have no solution to, I introduce many of my best friends that have a similar problems, and their problem were solve with the great help of DR. WALE, who help them to get back their lovers within 24 hours. I am so happy that my husband is back to me again, and the most surprising thing is that our love is very strong, every day is happiness and joy. and there is nothing like been with the man you love. I am so happy my love is back to me with the help of DR. WALE. if you have similar problem I will advice you to contact him, he is there to help you and put a smile on your face as he did to me and others you can also WhatsApp him +1(978) 406-9575 or Email him at : everlastingspellcast@gmail.com or view his website for more review https://everlastingspellcaster.website2.me/contact

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  80. I have to say wholeheartedly I believe Oniha is a gifted individual and gentle in his second nature. I have received the most rewarding and spiritual experience whilst conversing with him on the telephone. I heard and saw an angel in my mind-eye. It was so overwhelming. I knew at that moment finally my difficulties were over. He deserves recognition for his power and talents as a beautiful individual who brings spirit close to those in need. I have been touched deeply,nothing has come as close to me before. I am in total awe and have a great deal of respect. Thank you Dr Oniha for reuniting me with my estranged husband. Anyone who needs relationship help should contact this man and he will help you.
    onihaspelltemple@gmail.com
    CALL/Whatsapp number: +16692213962
    Website:https://onihaspells.com   

    ReplyDelete
  81. My heart was broken. I never believed I would get my lover back again until Dr Winner hand brought back my lover 15 hours with a powerful love spell. He is reliable for positive result contact the spell caster for love spell Email him now: Winnersspellcast@gmail.com And you can also reach him on whatsApp +2348138289852 or via his website:https://winnersspellcast.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  82. I'm Tonia Anderson by name, I am from the States, Suffolk county to be precise. I am here today to testify of the good works LORD ZAKUZA has done in my life, I never knew great men still exist until I found him. I have been suffering from heart break for the past 3 years, my partner who I invested on cheated on me with my best friend on my matrimonial bed, I was yet to recover from this terrible shock until I meant LORD ZAKUZA, a friend of mine directed me to him , I doubted him at first but as things went further, I had to give him my trust and did exactly as he told me to do. Ever since then, I have been happy all my life and my love life with my partner has been so wonderful. You can also need his help and here's his contact information. WhatsApp: +1 740 573 9483, Email: lordzakuza7 @ gmail. com, Website: lordzakuzaspells.com

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  83. After being in relationship with Wilson for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that don’t believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I meant a spell caster called Dr Zuma zuk and I email him, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email: spiritualherbalisthealing@gmail.com or WhatsApp him +15068001647 blog: spiritualherbal.blogspot.com you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS

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  84. How I Got My Husband back... Am so excited to share my testimony of a real spell caster who brought my husband back to me. My husband and I have been married for about 6 years now. We were happily married with two kids, a boy and a girl. 3 months ago, I started to notice some strange behavior from him and a few weeks later I found out that my husband is seeing someone else. He started coming home late from work, he hardly cared about me or the kids anymore, Sometimes he goes out and doesn't even come back home for about 2-3 days. I did all I could to rectify this problem but all to no avail. I became very worried and needed help. As I was browsing through the Internet one day, I came across a website that suggested that Dr. Wale can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and told him my problems and he told me what to do and I did it and he did a spell for me. 48 hours later, my husband came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promised never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. My family is living together happily again.. All thanks to Dr. Wale If you have any problem contact him and I guarantee you that he will help you. He will not disappoint you. you can WhatsApp him +1(978) 406-9575 or Email him at : everlastingspellcast@gmail.com or or view his website for more review https://everlastingspellcaster.website2.me/contact

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  85. my partner and I have been trying for a baby for over two years now, We were going to a fertility clinic for about 5 months before somebody at baby center told us to contact this spell caster who is so powerful, We contacted him at this email; babaka.wolf@gmail.com or Facebook at priest.babaka , for him to help us, then we told him our problem, he told us that we will conceive once we follow his instructions ,but after two years of trying we were at a point where we were willing to try anything. And I'm glad we came to Priest Babaka, Because his pregnancy spell cast and herbal remedy help us, and I honestly believe him, and his gods really helped us as well, I am thankful for all he has done. contact him via email: babaka.wolf@gmail.com or Facebook at priest.babaka if you are trying to have a baby or want your lover back. he has powers to do it, he has done mine

    ReplyDelete
  86. Good day friends. The truth is that GREAT MOTHER IS REAL AND UNIQUELY POWERFUL. Contact the Great Mother today and she will help you. when my husband left me for another woman, i thought that was the end but i contacted many spell casters but there was no positive responses and everything seemed not to be working and i was losing my mind until my cousin told me about the GREAT MOTHER who also helped her to bring back her man and also helped her to cure her herpes disease. I gave it a try and i contacted the Great Mother on her Website and i saw various testimonies about her on her good works how she has helped a lot of people. I explained my problems to her. she laughed and told me that, everything will be okay again and that she will help me bring back my man in 3 days time. I actually thought that it was a joke but since i had no other options, i gave it a try and i did what she instructed me do and to my greatest surprise, my man came back to me begging in 3 days time just as she told me. Contact the Great Mother now on her website:   https://Ourgreatmother1.blogspot.com   and you can also reach her on her email: Greatmotherofsolutiontemple1@gmail.com  or you can equally contact her on her whatsapp number: +17025514367

    Good day friends. The truth is that GREAT MOTHER IS REAL AND UNIQUELY POWERFUL. Contact the Great Mother today and she will help you. when my husband left me for another woman, i thought that was the end but i contacted many spell casters but there was no positive responses and everything seemed not to be working and i was losing my mind until my cousin told me about the GREAT MOTHER who also helped her to bring back her man and also helped her to cure her herpes disease. I gave it a try and i contacted the Great Mother on her Website and i saw various testimonies about her on her good works how she has helped a lot of people. I explained my problems to her. she laughed and told me that, everything will be okay again and that she will help me bring back my man in 3 days time. I actually thought that it was a joke but since i had no other options, i gave it a try and i did what she instructed me do and to my greatest surprise, my man came back to me begging in 3 days time just as she told me. Contact the Great Mother now on her website:   https://Ourgreatmother1.blogspot.com   and you can also reach her on her email: Greatmotherofsolutiontemple1@gmail.com  or you can equally contact her on her whatsapp number: +17025514367

    ReplyDelete
  87. DR. JOROMI IS TRULY A POWERFUL MAN. Contacting Dr Joromi is the best thing that has ever happened to me. My husband left me for another woman for the reason which i know nothing about. I tried every means to get him back but to no avail, all my efforts proved abortive. I was even contemplating suicide. On a lucky day when i was browsing the internet, i came across some amazing testimonies about Dr. Joromi on how he has helped a lot of people with his powerful love spells. I contacted him and explained all my problems to him and he assured me that he will help me. He told me what to do and assured me that my man will be back in 12 hours. I obeyed him and followed the instructions and to my Greatest surprise, my man called me in 12 hours time just as Dr. Joromi said. Thank you Dr Joromi. May the good God continue to bless you. If you are in need of help please contact Dr Joromi now on his website: https://www.joromispells.com and you can also reach him with his email: Joromispells@gmail.com and here is his WhatsApp number which you can also use to reach him +2348138695387 Thank you Dr Joromi. Thank you once again

    ReplyDelete
  88. I am so happy to share this fantastic testimony of mine. My life has changed round completely in 48hours. I can see myself in the mirror and smile. I have confidence in myself and my abilities for the first time in ages. I have my boyfriend back in my life with the help of Dr Oniha. He said sorry a 24hours after the spell was created. He said he realised that he never really wanted to break up he could not handle emotional baggage I was carrying around all the time. He said that he thought he was the negative influence on my life and thought it best to leave. He said it was hard that I kept talking about the past all the time. We have both forgiven each other. I have money in my pocket that is my own at last. (My compensation cheque came through I was told it was months away. I am living proof of what Dr Oniha can do. I thank you so much Dr Oniha for the wonderful thing you did in my relationship. I am so happy now. With your help we were both able to see and speak the truth to each other. I never thought a spell could help a couple before I am very pleased contacted you and initiated all this to happen. Anyone who have a relationship problem can contact Dr Oniha.
    EMAIL:ONIHASPELLTEMPLE@GMAIL.COM
    WEBSITE http://onihaspells.com
    Call/Whatsapp number: +16692213962

    ReplyDelete
  89. DR EMU WHO HELP PEOPLE IN ANY TYPE OF LOTTERY NUMBERS

    It is a very hard situation when playing the lottery and never won, or keep winning low fund not up to 100 bucks, i have been a victim of such a tough life, the biggest fund i have ever won was 100 bucks, and i have been playing lottery for almost 12 years now, things suddenly change the moment i came across a secret online, a testimony of a spell caster called DR EMU, who help people in any type of lottery numbers, i was not easily convinced, but i decided to give try, now i am a proud lottery winner with the help of DR EMU, i won $1,000.0000.00 and i am making this known to every one out there who have been trying all day to win the lottery, believe me this is the only way to win the lottery.

    Contact him via email Emutemple@gmail.com
    What's app +2347012841542
    Https://emutemple.wordpress.com/

    ReplyDelete
  90. I have been playing the lottery since i was 19 years and now i am 47 meaning i have been playing the lottery for 28 years. The biggest amount I have ever won in my life was 1200 bucks. But one day my story turns to history after I find this man's name on the Internet that he is the best when it comes to winning the lottery. This man is a very strong voodoo Dr who gives out the lottery winning numbers that can never fail. After all my years of laboring and struggling to win the lottery i finally won ( $12,000,000) Dr Winner, is the name,EMAIL him now: (Winnersspellcast@gmail.com this is the only way to win the lottery and the best way via his website:https://winnersspellcast.blogspot.com) Call or text him: +2348138289852

    ReplyDelete
  91. BEST URGENT EFFECTIVE LOVE SPELL TO GET YOUR EX/HUSBAND/WIFE BACK FAST AND TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE NOW CONTACT LORD ZULU ON WHATSAPP DIRECTLY +1 (424) 361‑7554.
    Hi everyone I’m here to testify of a great and powerful spell caster called Lord Zulu. I was so confused and devastated when my husband left me without a word, I needed him back desperately because I loved him so much. So a friend of mine introduced me to this powerful spell caster who had helped her in getting her lover back, so I contacted him and he promised that in less than 72 hours he will come back to me. After I did all he asked, to my greatest surprise my husband who had refused to speak with me came to my house and asked for forgiveness for all he had made me go through and now we are living happily together, if you have any relationship problem I will advise you contact him for your testimonies. Below are his contact details. Contact him on WhatsApp  @ +1(424)361‑7554   allsupremepowersolutionhome.blogspot.com
    Email: Allsupremepowersolutionhome@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  92. Hello to everyone out here, I am here to share the unexpected miracle that happened to me … My name is Susan Christian , I live in London, UK. we got married for more than 9 years and have gotten two kids. thing were going well with us and we are always happy. until one day my husband started to behave in a way i could not understand, i was very confused by the way he treat me and the kids. later that month he did not come home again and he called me that he want a divorce, i asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying is that he want a divorce that he hate me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was mad and also frustrated do not know what to do, i was sick for more than 2 weeks because of the divorce. i love him so much he was everything to me without him my life is incomplete. i told my sister and she told me to contact a spell caster, i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing. i just want to try if something will come out of it. i contacted Dr Emu for the return of my husband to me, they told me that my husband have been taken by another woman, that she cast a spell on him that is why he hate me and also want us to divorce. then they told me that they have to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and the kids, they casted the spell and after 24 hours my husband called me and he told me that i should forgive him, he started to apologize on phone and said that he still love me that he did not know what happen to him that he left me. it was the spell that Dr Emu casted on him that make him come back to me today, me and my family are now happy again today. thank you Dr Emu for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great spell. i want you my friends who are passing through all this kind of love problem of getting back their husband, wife , or ex boyfriend and girlfriend to contact Dr Emu , if you need his help you can contact him through his private mail: emutemple@gmail.com or you can contact him through his website https://emutemple.wordpress.com/ fb page Https://web.facebook.com/Emu-Temple-104891335203341 and you will see that your problem will be solved without any delay.

    ReplyDelete
  93. Hello everyone, my name is Elisa Keily I am so overwhelmed with joy all thanks to Dr Raypower spell. my husband left me for another woman few years back and I was very devastated cause I never did anything wrong to him, I was left with my two kid and a job that pays little.i was almost giving up until I saw a testimony online about Dr Raypower and I decided to contact him.i explained my problem to him and he assured me I'll see a positive result after 24hurs, surprisingly my husband came back the day after the spell begging me to forgive him and promised to never leave. My husband has been back for 6 months now and we've never had any issues, am glad I didn't doubt Dr Raypower cause he sure can solve any problems with fast relief you can also contact him for help now

    Email: Urgentspellcast@gmail.com or Urgentspellcast@yahoo.com

    Website: https://urgentspellcast.wordpress.com/ 

    WhatsApp: +14243308109

    ReplyDelete
  94. My name is Collins Gary from switzerland, i want to testify to the general public how my relationship was restored back by the great power's of Dr Zuma after three months of loneliness, my ex-lover called me after my contact with Dr Zuma that he want us to come back and start a good home, now we are happily married. All thanks to Dr Zuma for his wonderful spiritual help. You can contact him on his via email spiritualherbalisthealing@gmail.com call him +15068001647 if you have similar problem, or any solution you ....

    ReplyDelete
  95. I was cured of HERPES with the use of natural herbs. I love herbs so much. Most times, injections and drugs are just a waste of time. I was cured 8months ago, i suffered from Herpes for 2 years but with the help of Priest Babaka herbal medicine, I was cured within a few weeks of drinking the herbs He sent to me through courier delivery service. This same Priest also cured my Aunt from INFERTILITY, as soon as I heard she Been finding it difficult to CONCEIVE, i referred her to the Priest and she was cured after drinking his herbs. I have referred more than 15 persons and they were all cured from their various illness. Have you taken herbs before?. You have spent so much money on drugs, injections, surgeries etc and yet you have no good result to show for it. Priest Babaka is a Herbalist and a Spiritualist , I assure you of a cure if you drink his natural herbs and follow his Guidance. He has herbs that cures HIV, Herpes, Diabetics, Asthma, Hepatitis, etc. Contact Priest Babaka on email: babaka.wolf@gmail.com or Facebook at priest.babaka

    ReplyDelete
  96. I want to thank the great ONIHA for what he did for me. He brought happiness back into my life. My boyfriend left me and told me is over I was devastated as I loved him so much I decided to contact a spells caster and I met a friend who told me of a great doctor called Dr Oniha and I decided to contact him and he told me in three days my boyfriend will call me and beg me to accept him I thought he was joking, in three days everything happened as he said I am so happy now and grateful to you Dr Oniha. You too can also contact Dr Oniha for any kind of relationship problem he can also help you solve your problem.
    Email: onihaspelltemple@gmail.com
    Call/Whatsapp number: +16692213962
    Website: http://onihaspells.com

    ReplyDelete
  97. You need help to GET PREGNANT? contact Priest Babaka on this email (babaka.wolf@gmail.com), i am here to share my testimony on HOW I CONCEIVE my babies after i suffer from PCOS and my TUBES ARE TIED, i have been married to my husband for 11 years without no issue. i had problems with my in-laws even my husband started to have new affairs aside our marriage.it was a very terrible thing to bear, been to many doctors and yet my case remain the same, i was now seen as always unhappy. my husband was not given me any attention that i needed from him. on this faithful day, i decided to check the net for updates on Trying To Conceive with pcos and my tubes are tied, and i came across a story of a woman who Priest Babaka helped to conceive a twins under same condition as mine. so i decided to put a try because this has been my greatest problem in life. today i am a proud mom with two son.contact him today via email: babaka.wolf@gmail.com or Facebook at priest.babaka he will surely make your dreams come through

    ReplyDelete
  98. I am the happiest woman on earth right now, My husband that left me a few months ago just came back to me last night crying for me to take him back. DR, WINNER is a true and real Psychics He brought back my husband” Here’s his content if you have any problem contact him on his Email him now: Winnersspellcast@gmail.com And you can also reach him on whatsApp +2348138289852 or via his website:https://winnersspellcast.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete

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