Shattered. Idiotic amount of words today: 2736. This is really too many. When you write that much, you know that a lot of it will be dead wood. But deadline fever is on me, and I must bash bash bash away. I find that I seem to have invented a WHOLE NEW CHARACTER. He appears now to be vital, but it means instead of coasting towards the happy close, I am now wrestling and wrangling with novelty. Bugger bugger bugger. I am having to say no to things I really want to do. This makes me sad and angry. It is all my own fault, for not being quicker, slicker, more industrious, more organised. I was so cross that I was scratchy with my animals, with breaks every single one of my golden rules. Even love and trees are not working today. I am in a red ball of rage. I know I always say, blithely, easily, that every day can’t be Doris Day, but really.
I expect the fury and the tension and the shoulders around my ears will have subsided by tomorrow. I’ll be all sugar and spice again. In the meantime, I am rats’s tails and iron filings and undifferentiated bits of murky muck. Bloody human condition; some days it drives me lunatic nuts in the head.
No pictures today. Far too cross for the camera. When even this face cannot do the trick, I know I am in deep waters:
While I'm not angry today, I'm in a mist of helplessness, trying to keep one of my kitties from succumbing to kidney failure. Giving her medicines morning and night, praying that she'll eat something - anything - constantly being aware of where she is in the house, is she okay... the rest of my responsibilities have sort of curled up at the bottom of the box and gotten moldy. All this and having to still go to work and perform a highly stressful job with my brain on what I'm doing... I am as adrift emotionally as you seem to be from frustration.
ReplyDeleteHere's hoping both of our situations improve. A lot. And soon.
Regarding New Character.... couldn't you break him off at a handy place, keep his story going in your head, but store him in a box for Next Book? Leaving the readers with a juicy new character to wonder about would bring them back for more...
I am very sorry you're having such a tough day but as we say around here (this is said in my family of women with a big smile and a loving hug): "Buck Up, Cowgirl !!!!"...hope it enticed a smile rather than a growl from you...from Judith in Northern California (a loyal Fan)
ReplyDelete