Wednesday, 12 December 2018

The Making of Mistakes



‘Make mistakes,’ is one of my war cries. Embrace your mistakes, cherish your mistakes, lean in to your mistakes, because it is only by bogging up that humans learn anything. 

I work with horses and I write books. In horsing and writing, mistakes are crucial. If you try to avoid errors, to be perfect, then you never achieve anything because you are always holding back, afraid you will get bottom marks. You only get top marks by daring, sometimes, to risk tumbling to the absolute rock bottom of the class.

I know this. I say this. I write this.

But I can’t always do this. 

The bloody, buggery gap between theory and practice sneaks up and whacks me round the chops. The internal voice in my head wails, ‘Why? Why? Why do you have to make all these bogs? Could you not just concentrate better and try harder and stop being such a screw-up?’

There, there, is the voice of shame. This voice does not say, ‘Well, you screwed up because you are human and all humans do this and you know that mistakes are marvellous opportunities for learning and you can shake it off and make it right and start again.’ No, no, the voice of shame says, without hesitation, ‘You are a screw-up.’ The voice of shame adores labels, and plasters them on everyone with hilarious gaiety. 

I made a huge mistake this morning and I upset someone I love the most in the world. I had gone into tunnel vision, and I did not see the upset building, until it spilled over. There it was, and I had done it. ‘Ha, ha, ha,’ said the voice of shame. ‘You think you are all that and just look what you did.’

I apologised. Of course I did. I said we would do things differently in the future. I said I would pay more attention. I did all the things that you are supposed to do, if you are a half-decent person. 

But still, I would have bitten my arm off to have taken that moment back. I would have paid all the money in the world to have rewound time to five minutes before, when I could have seen what I was doing and simply stopped.  

When I write stuff like this, people often say, ‘Oh, you shouldn’t beat yourself up.’ They are right. But it’s not as simple as that. Someone can’t merely say, do this, do that, and then it’s all bluebirds and butterflies. It’s that pesky theory and practice again. Complex emotions require complex processing. I wish I could simply snap my fingers and apply a glorious act of will. I will not feel remorseful, I will not feel stupid, I will not stumble into the pit of self-laceration. Because, after all, what does that achieve? 

And yet, like a stately ocean liner who takes a while to change course, I have to honk my horn and make my slow circle. This is the circle back to reality and sanity, where one error does not cancel out all the good things. One mistake does not make me a terrible person. (The voices of shame are laughing their arses off now.) My theory is right: mistakes are good. Mistakes are opportunities, little motherlodes of information, signposts back to the Road of Goodness. Just at this very minute, my irrational mind does not believe that. I have to ask it to hush. I have to let the rational mind, which is not nearly so shouty, be heard. 

I tend to write these kinds of posts for two reasons. One is that I need to get all the tangled, jangled emotions out of my head and on to the page. But there is also the suspicion, the fluttering hope, that there are lots of other flawed humans out there, just like me. They are putting on a good front and putting their best foot forward and putting on their game faces. Like me, they don’t want to admit to the messy, muddly parts, because they don’t want to be a bore. They don’t want people to feel sorry for them or tell them what to do. So they fake it, just a little. I’m fine, they say; watch me, being fine. 

In the age of social media, there is a premium on perfection. Look at all those glossy lives, out there on the internet. Regard, say the Instawhizzes and the Facebook fabulosos, our charming children, our delicious recipes, our adventurous travels, our elegant homes. Watch us being organised, and Zen, and in tune with the universe. See our shoes! 

Nobody’s life is really like that, but the irrational mind thinks it is. They don’t make bogs, says the irrational mind. They don’t forget to answer emails and lose their keys three times a day and sometimes, despite all their best efforts, swirl into a spiral of shame. They really are fine. Why can’t you be fine? All the time?

So I sometimes write about my bad days and my mad days and my absolute fuck-ups because I hope that, somewhere out there in the dark, someone might read my words and sigh a sigh of relief that they are not alone. 

And, even more lovely, sometimes they leave a little word or a smiley face or a scarlet emoticon heart to tell me that I am not alone either. The one thing that self-laceration cannot stand is empathy. The moment someone walks in your shoes and you walk right back in theirs, the consoling thread of connection is strung from one human heart to another. And the theory stops being just theory, and becomes practice, and the world steadies on its axis and makes sense again.

23 comments:

  1. It is the mastering of the art of being human that takes us an entire lifetime to achieve. If you were perfect you would not be nearly so interesting and nor would your writing :-)

    Being a fairly focused and driven person the balancing of agendas, whether it's horse training or relationships, is something I also constantly "fail" at but recognising it has to be one stage better than being oblivious if you are to have any hope of working on it.

    The irrational (chimp) mind always kicks in first unfortunately and manages to inflict a good few punches before the rational (human) part of you can properly reflect and process through the event.

    You writing it down must help you with that process and you writing it down certainly helps me too x

    ReplyDelete
  2. We are all trying to do the best we can with the knowledge we have at the moment. Recognizing that fact is how we forgive others, and also how we can forgive ourselves. The important part is to keep trying. And with honest posts like yours, it is as you said: we know we are not alone. And neither are you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yep Fakebook really is.. With empathy, shame cant survive.. Lather, rinse ,repeat

    ReplyDelete
  4. I love your posts and ones like this are the best......empathy across the airwaves, thanks and please keep writing and sharing xxx

    ReplyDelete
  5. Mistakes are part of the human condition. We all do it. Let's be clear, you are not alone. Processing the mistake and learning from it makes us stronger and more knowing. Ready for, you guessed it, next mistake... Enjoy, Susan

    ReplyDelete
  6. Well. Sighing. Who said we were supposed to be perfect? Forgive yourself.
    Happy New Year!

    ReplyDelete
  7. URGENT AND EFFECTIVE LOVE SPELL CASTER TO HELP YOU GET BACK YOUR EX LOVER VERY FAST 2018 Contact LORD OJOKA
    http://drojokaspelltemple.website2.me/love-spell WhatsApp @ +2348144172934

    I am jessica roma from (ALABAMA), When I eventually found testimonies about this spell caster LORD OJOKA , how he helped many people to get their lovers and broken homes back, i contacted him too,because I was absolutely desperate to get my lover back. Life without my lover was a real mess for me and my kids. i wanted a dramatic change and I thought love spell could be the solution. After discussing the resolution with LORD OJOKA, he gave me hope that he will restore my relationship. I felt confident that he will actually make my lover to return home and he did! It’s fantastic what this great spell caster have done for me, his help is priceless! I don't know what I would have done without LORD OJOKA, He does his job so well he is organized and highly functional, i believe he is the best spell caster i can count on when it comes to all kinds of spell, I am so happy that my lover return back home. If you need help, contact him right now through these details below:

    Email: dr.ojokaspelltemple@gmail.com
    WhatsApp @ +2348144172934
    Website: http://drojokaspelltemple.website2.me/love-spell

    ReplyDelete
  8. hy nice post i like and thnaks for that wonderful information.

    ReplyDelete
  9. We always remain prepared to supply greater than expected benefits to our customers. The best colors of life are Delhi and thus you have to observe the evenings here this ardent season. Help to create a secure payment only once you meet our escort. 100% confidentiality assurance can be found from our conclusion.
    Delhi escorts
    Pune escorts
    Mumbai escorts
    Jaipur escorts
    Goa escorts service
    Nainital escorts
    Dehradun escorts
    Haldwani escorts
    Haldwani escorts
    Gurgaon escorts

    ReplyDelete
  10. Are looking for model and independent call girls escorts in Chennai where you’re on business, get-away, occasions, hot and happening stay Escorts Girls in Chennai then Sexy Chennai Escorts is the most ideal approach to scan for Independent Escorts in Chennai. You will utilize this Chennai Escorts site page as a snappy and straight forward to find females closest to your area in Chennai. We have been in business here in Chennai since 2003. From begins we have direction ourselves to the following dimension of business see than exchange escort in Chennai. We are intense regarding what we are doing in Sexy Chennai Escorts. The Chennai Escort Service offered by Sexy Chennai Escorts site are entirely for entertainment purposes.

    Chennai Escorts
    Independent Escorts in Chennai
    Chennai Escort Agency
    Chennai Escort
    Escorts Service in Chennai
    Call Girls in Chennai
    Chennai Escort Service
    Independent Chennai Escorts
    Russian Escorts in Chennai

    ReplyDelete
  11. There are many call girls service provider in Chennai, but they don’t provide such kid of booking facilities as we provide to our customer with full security for their privacy. As many people come here for their mental and physical pleasure but due to lack of information and security they can’t full fill their needs and demands, so what we do for them we have this booking facilities available for theme where they can book best related call girls by just a simple call button without sharing their personal information with hotel facilities in best price.

    Chennai Escorts
    Independent Escorts in Chennai
    Chennai Escort Agency
    Chennai Escort
    Escorts Service in Chennai
    Call Girls in Chennai
    Chennai Escort Service
    Independent Chennai Escorts
    Russian Escorts in Chennai

    ReplyDelete

  12. I Saw Your Website Carefully. Thanks For Create Such Kind Of Informative Website. Your All Content Is Relevant To Your Subject. I Say Keep It Continue, Because Your Website And Subject Is Meaningful For The Users. I Have Recommended Your Website With My Friends Also.
    I Am Ritu Sharma. I Am An Independent Escort Girl. I Deal In Bandra Escorts
    Service. I Am Very Hot And Sexy. I Have Five Years’ Experience. That’s Why I Understand The Each Personal Needs Of My Every Client. My Service Charge Is Low And Service Is Super. You Can Avail My VIP Escorts Service At Your Home Or In Hotel. I Am Comfortable To Provide Escorts Service In Local And Outside Also. Visit http://www.escortservicemumbai.net/bandra-escorts/ Call +91- 9OO4OO9481
    Visit The Links Below And Have A Look At My Various Escort Services-
    Mumbai Escorts
    Bandra Escorts
    Mumbai Call Girls
    Mumbai Escorts In Vile Parle
    Juhu Escorts
    Andheri Escorts
    Mumbai Escorts In Colaba

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thanks For Create Such Kind Of Informative Website. All Content Is Relevant To Your Subject. Keep It Continue, Because Your Website And Subject Is Meaningful For The Users. After See Your Niche I Have Recommended Your Website With My Friends Also.

    My Name Is Priya Singh. I Run My Own Escort Service In Colaba.I Am An Independent Mumbai Escort Girl. I Am Beautiful And Hot. My Service Charge Is Low And Service Is Super. Being Professional I Have Seven Years’ Experience As An Escort Girl. So I Understand And Feel The Real Needs And Requirement Of My Each Client. According The Convenience You Can Avail My VIP Escort Service At Your Home Or In Hotel Also. To Book My VIP Mumbai Escort Service Call +91 9987215552. Visit http://www.escortagencyinmumbai.com/escort-service-in-colaba/

    Visit The Links Below And Have A Look At My Various Mumbai Escort Services-



    Mumbai Call Girls
    Mumbai Escorts In Vile Parle
    Bandra Escorts
    Juhu Escorts
    Andheri Escorts
    Escort Service In Colaba

    ReplyDelete
  14. My name is Arpita Jain. I run my independent Mumbai Escorts Service. I am an independent Mumbai escort girl. My service charge is low according the current market price. My service is super, because I know very well the personal requirement of my each customer. I am comfortable to provide my Mumbai Escorts Service at your home or in Hotel. Visit- http://www.arpitajain.org/ Call- +91 9OO4458359
    Visit The Links Below And Have A Look At My Various Mumbai Escort Services-

    Mumbai Escorts Service
    Mumbai Escort Girls
    Juhu Escorts

    Escort Service In Mumbai






    ReplyDelete
  15. You may also impart your fantasies and cravings since I wish to produce companions before the end of the time. I truly like to present my sensual service people who fully disturb from existence. Jaipur escorts never assists of the types of men.
    Jaipur escorts
    Jaipur Call Girls

    ReplyDelete
  16. POWERFUL SPELL CASTER THAT BROUGHT MY EX HUSBAND BACK INTO MY LIFE AFTER HE LEFT ME EMAIL HIM VIA EMAIL INFINITYLOVESPELL@GMAIL.COM OR INFINITYLOVESPELL@YAHOO.COM ADD HIM ON WHATSAPP +2348118829899

    Hello my fellow friends online I'm Diana Gilbert from USA, I want to use this medium to thank Dr Great because he brought back my Ex husband. my husband left me for his ex girlfriend he had before he married me it's a difficult situation for me I called and beg him to come back he refused he said he don't love me anymore I tried every possible way to get him back all was in vain I told my friend about it and she gave me Dr Great email and I emailed him and told him my problem and he told me what to do and I did it and he cast a love spell which brought back my husband within 24 hours. If you need help in getting back together with your Ex, email Dr Great at infinitylovespell@gmail.com or infinitylovespell@yahoo.com WhatsApp him+2348118829899 view his website http://infinitylovespell.website2.me you can also visit my blog http://dianagilbert05.over-blog.com/

    ReplyDelete

Your comments give me great delight, so please do leave one.

LinkWithin

Blog Widget by LinkWithin