Tuesday 16 April 2019

A Big Day




Today, I sent off a manuscript to my agent.

I’ve had so many crashes and smashes in my writing career that I had almost given up on the traditional publishing route. I could not deal with the whole dog and pony show, the reliance on whim, the alarming shifts of the market. One day, what you are writing is in fashion; the next, everyone wants something and someone quite else. The endless returning of each manuscript for the endless rewrites started to feel not like work, but like purgatory.

So I thought I’d be a literary entrepreneur. I started publishing my own, idiosyncratic horse books on Amazon. I would press the miracle button and my books would be amazingly available from New Mexico to New Zealand. I began an online writing service, where I acted as a coach and mentor and editor. I could reinvent the entire process, and I would never, ever have to have a meeting again. (I am a fairly extreme introvert, so I absolutely loathe meetings. I am crap at jolly working lunches. I am catastrophic at selling myself in any way.)

And then, out of the blue, my agent suddenly got in touch and asked about the novel for which I had entirely given up hope. It sat, huge and pointless, in my bottom drawer. It had been rewritten so many times, but it was never quite right. 

Astonishingly, she had not forgotten about it. She had been talking of it to complete strangers. Incredulous and invigorated, I got it out and dusted it down and had a look at it. 

Usually, when this happens, the book feels old and stale. It had its moment, and it missed it. This one, however, still hummed and thrummed with life. I could see the places and see the characters and see the slightly eccentric world I had created. I fell in love with it, all over again. As I worked it and worked it, I felt hope rise in me. When I got to the last chapter, I made myself cry. 

Well, I thought, if it makes me cry, then it might make the Dear Reader cry too. 

For four days after finishing this latest edit, I sat with my bad critics, my voices of fear, the gremlins in my head. They had a tremendous party. They told me that it would be the same old, same old. It would be the burst of hope, followed by the crash of disappointment. The complete strangers would have met another agent, with a more thrilling manuscript. The market would shift, yet again. The manuscript would be sent back. My heart would break. The window of Waterstone’s would seem like a bitter dream. 

Don’t expose yourself to that, said the gremlins, shrieking with drunken laughter. Do you really want to fail, for the hundredth time? Run back to your comfort zone, and stay there, with a nice bottle of gin.

Finally, I summoned the Fuck It voices. I love these voices. They really don’t give a stuff. They say, ‘Fuck it, if you don’t try, you’ll never know.’ They say, ‘Sod the world, it’s your book, and it’s beautiful, and you love it, so send it.’ 

So, half an hour ago, I dug myself out of my hole, put my Fuck It hat on, and pressed send. 

Off it has flown, my great big book, into the open spaces where critical eyes may gaze upon it. It’s galloping now, over the prairies, across the Steppes, and who knows where it may find itself? 

And what if the worst comes to the worst? What if the computer says No? Well, I can still press the miracle button and some lovely reader in Albuquerque will be my very own Waterstone’s window. 

21 comments:

  1. Gosh you are inspiring me. I need to dust off the 3 novels and have a whack at doing something with them. I was discouraged by a recent short story of mine that I had slaved over and was rejected.
    Delighted I found your blog. :)

    XO
    WWW

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello everyone. I was heartbroken because i had very small penis, not nice to satisfy a woman, i had so many relationship called off because of my situation, i have used so many product which i found online but none could offer me the help i searched for. i saw some few comments about this specialist called Dr OLU and decided to email him on drolusolutionhome@gmail.com
      so I decided to give his herbal product a try. i emailed him and he got back to me, he gave me some comforting words with his herbal pills for Penis t, Enlargement Within 5 day of it, i began to feel the enlargement of my penis, ” and now it just 2 weeks of using his products my penis is about 10 inches longer and am so happy..feel free to contact DR OLU on(drolusolutionhome@gmail.com)or whatsapp him on this number +2348140654426

      Delete
    2. Hi everyone I'm Wayne Desmond
      Hi everyone I'm Wayne Desmond and am here to share the wonderful work Dr Believe did for me. After 5 years in marriage with my husband with 2 kids, my husband started acting weird and going out with other ladies and showed me cold love, on several occasions he threatens to divorce me if I dare question him about his affair with other ladies, I was totally devastated and confused until a old friend of mine told me about a spell caster on the internet called Dr. Believe who help people with relationship and marriage problem by the powers of love spells, at first I doubted if such thing ever exists but decided to give it a try, when I contact him, he helped me cast a love spell and within 48hours my husband came back to me and started apologizing, now he has stopped going out with other ladies and his with me for good and for real. Contact this great love spell caster for your relationship or marriage problem to be solved today via email: believelovespelltemple@gmail.com or WhatsApp: +19713839183

      Here is my personal email: waynedesmond22@gmail.com if you wish to ask me anything




























      Hi everyone I'm Wayne Desmond
      Hi everyone I'm Wayne Desmond and am here to share the wonderful work Dr Believe did for me. After 5 years in marriage with my husband with 2 kids, my husband started acting weird and going out with other ladies and showed me cold love, on several occasions he threatens to divorce me if I dare question him about his affair with other ladies, I was totally devastated and confused until a old friend of mine told me about a spell caster on the internet called Dr. Believe who help people with relationship and marriage problem by the powers of love spells, at first I doubted if such thing ever exists but decided to give it a try, when I contact him, he helped me cast a love spell and within 48hours my husband came back to me and started apologizing, now he has stopped going out with other ladies and his with me for good and for real. Contact this great love spell caster for your relationship or marriage problem to be solved today via email: believelovespelltemple@gmail.com or WhatsApp: +19713839183

      Here is my personal email: waynedesmond22@gmail.com if you wish to ask me anything


      Delete
    3. DR EMU WHO HELP PEOPLE IN ANY TYPE OF LOTTERY NUMBERS

      It is a very hard situation when playing the lottery and never won, or keep winning low fund not up to 100 bucks, i have been a victim of such a tough life, the biggest fund i have ever won was 100 bucks, and i have been playing lottery for almost 12 years now, things suddenly change the moment i came across a secret online, a testimony of a spell caster called DR EMU, who help people in any type of lottery numbers, i was not easily convinced, but i decided to give try, now i am a proud lottery winner with the help of DR EMU, i won $1,000.0000.00 and i am making this known to every one out there who have been trying all day to win the lottery, believe me this is the only way to win the lottery.

      Contact him via email Emutemple@gmail.com
      What's app +2347012841542
      Https://emutemple.wordpress.com/

      Delete
  2. Hurrah! Everything is crossed for you xxx

    ReplyDelete
  3. "What's the worst that can happen?" is a very useful question a lot of the time :)

    I'm so glad your agent remembered you, and that you still liked your own book (because we can be our own harshest critics), and that you sent it off. Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I’m so excited my broken Marriage has been restored. “We recently made up, even though it was difficult. It’s been more than a month now, and everything feels like it’s returned to normal. He has began to treat me better, and it’s been a healing process for both of us. The nightmare that had lasted for almost 2 years before we broke up is finally over. It’s like we fell in love all over again! We’ve both put the past behind us, and are trying to move forward – and for the first time in a long time, the future looks a lot brighter. I can’t express in words how grateful I am Dr Great! It’s like we’ve finally rediscovered those things about each other that made us fall in love in the first place. All of the worrying and stress has simply vanished. Thank you Dr Great for saving my broken Marriage and brought my husband back to me!”. Me and my husband are living together happily again.. All thanks to Dr Great. If you have any problem contact Dr Great now and i guarantee you that he will help you contact him through

     infinitylovespell@gmail.com or infinitylovespell@yahoo.com

    WhatsApp +2348118829899

    website http://infinitylovespell.website2.me/

    ReplyDelete
  5. It got to a stage in my life i felt it was impossible for me to get lousa back cause she left me heartbroken and to a guy who was far younger and richer than me. After meeting so many spell casters and no result i felt cheated and vowed never to try and spellcaster again in my life and i am ment to be a looser for the rest of my life.until my friend john contacted me and told me about prophet mamudu and finally convince me to contact him. after a week i decided to give him a try and suprisingly within 3days i got the results i have been looking for after many months of seaching my angel came back and lit my life up once again i am finally a happy man.to also get help with your life email at (Drma
    mudu47@gmail. com) or call or whatsapp +2347061836063 and i promise you will also share your own testimony.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Are you a Blockchain user? Are you facing error in accessing your account due to password errors? Do you want to fix your password errors with utmost guidance? If you are dealing with the password error and want to fix it then all you can do is dial Blockchain support number. The customer professionals will there to assist you and help you at every step so that you can fix the password error with opportune solutions and remedies. Feel free to approach them to eradicate your issues in fraction of time. The purpose of customer executive support team is to let users enjoy seamless services of Blockchain in error less manner.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I want to thank Emu Temple for the accurate readings he gave me and for also helping me bring back my lover.. If you are here and you are having any relationship problem please Contact Emu Temple on Via Email: emutemple@gmail.com OR Via WhatsApp +2347012841542 and result is 100% guarantee and He do lot more as:*Love Spells*Lost Love Spells*Divorce Spells*Stop Divorce Spell*Marriage Spells*Binding Spells*Breakup Spells*You want to be promoted in your office*Want to satisfy your lover*Death Spell*Gay/Lesbian Love Spell*Court case Spell*Politics Spell*Good-luck Spell*Bad Luck Remover Spell*Do as i say Spell*General cleansing Spell*Herbal remedy for all kind of disease
    *Lottery Spell*Pregnancy Spell*Peins enlargement














    I want to thank Emu Temple for the accurate readings he gave me and for also helping me bring back my lover.. If you are here and you are having any relationship problem please Contact Emu Temple on Via Email: emutemple@gmail.com OR Via WhatsApp +2347012841542 and result is 100% guarantee and He do lot more as:*Love Spells*Lost Love Spells*Divorce Spells*Stop Divorce Spell*Marriage Spells*Binding Spells*Breakup Spells*You want to be promoted in your office*Want to satisfy your lover*Death Spell*Gay/Lesbian Love Spell*Court case Spell*Politics Spell*Good-luck Spell*Bad Luck Remover Spell*Do as i say Spell*General cleansing Spell*Herbal remedy for all kind of disease
    *Lottery Spell*Pregnancy Spell*Peins enlargement

    ReplyDelete
  8. My name is Kirsty Rautenbach, Me and my boyfriend were together for 11 months & its been 7 months since we separated. I still love him, but some how feel its unfair. Why love someone who ovb doesnt love you back? Ive prayed & prayed for these months & nothing. He is still with his new girlfriend( whom he lives with) but it doesnt mean I have to look for help The first weeks after the break up I was in my knees praying looking for help, them i fine a comment online how a spell caster help to restored relationship get ex lover back, ” so i decided to give a try coz i love my boyfriend so much. so i contacted Dr John Soco, and told him all my problem and he gave me 100%guarantee that i will have my boyfriend back after the spell so i was gifted and lucky to have contacted him i did everything he asked of me and to my greatest surprise a day after the spell, my boyfriend called me and apologised for what he did to me and ask for my forgiveness to come back home for me, I got really hurt & go through those moments in which he left me, after all John Soco, did for me, i forgave him and he came back home with more love and happiness all thanks to John Soco , the real Africa spell caster so far google recommended this year.. So plz, if you need any help contact him too on this. You will see in conclusion you have to just trust the process, Dr John Soco , is a good real spell caster so call him up on +1 (706) 871-4571 , or email him on his email Drjohnsoco @ gmail . com or Call/WhatsApp: +1 (706) 871-4571

    ReplyDelete

  9. Getting your lover or your ex back has been made more easy by this powerful spell caster called Dr Odion. I am Rose by name and i am from canada, the only reason why i am on this site is to thank this powerful spell caster called DR. Odion and you can improve your relationship success by contacting him through these details (wisdomspiritualtemple@gmail.com Or call +2348136482342) This powerful spell caster did me a huge favor by helping me get my lover back to me within the speed of light and since then my relationship has been perfect.

    any problem of yours.He is specialized in the following:

    (1)Spell for protection from danger
    (2)Spell for magic
    (3)Spell for same sex love
    (4)Spell for healing
    (5)Spell for invisibility
    (6)Spell for riches and fame
    (7)Spell to get a good job
    (8)Spell for strong love and relationship
    (9)Spell to bring your ex back
    (10)speII for Lottery
    This man has great powers and is incredibly generous.You can contact him on
    (wisdomspiritualtemple@gmail.com)

    ReplyDelete

  10. Isiyku Abdulahi
    My ex-boyfriend dumped me one week ago after I accused him of seeing someone else and insulting him. I want him back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me. I was so confuse and don’t know what to do, so I reach to the Internet for help and I saw a testimony of how a spell caster help them to get their ex back so I contact the spell caster and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 2 days that my ex will return to me and to my greatest surprise the third day my ex came knocking on my door and beg for forgiveness. I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that, we are about to get married. Once again thank you Dr Believe. You are truly talented and gifted.He is the only answer. He can be of great help and I will not stop talking about him because he is a wonderful man. Contact this great love spell caster for your relationship or marriage problem to be solved today via email: believelovespelltemple@gmail.com or WhatsApp: +19713839183




    ReplyDelete
  11. Dr Owo Love spell has the power to bring back the love that was lost, or to attract someone whom we love. Performing love spells is one of the oldest magic activities engaged in by humans. Love Magic is about bringing back happiness, so this is the part of life.There are always inner reasons, to why a couple is (and why they are not) in harmony. Sometimes it can happen that despite the love between partners, harmony is missing, and the relationship ends.Dr Owo Love magic is a perfect chance to fix this. Are you having problems with your love life? Fights? Disharmony? Are you thinking about ending your relationship? Often, these problems can be fixed When you are not able, despite many attempts, to come together with your dream partner I'm so excited to get my ex lover back with the help of this great priest Owo. This great man has saved my broken marriage and he has also been helping a lot of people also. My husband broke up with me by divorcing me to marry another girl. After 5years of broken marriage I still get what's mine. With help of priest Owo and now I'm happy to share to you there's someone out there to save your marriage and bring back your broken home, ex relationship and marriage back to you if you have any relationship marriage or health problem you can reach out to this man on his WhatsApp number: +1 (717) 473-7391
    You can also reach him on: drowoherbs@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  12. DR EMU WHO HELP PEOPLE IN ANY TYPE OF LOTTERY NUMBERS

    It is a very hard situation when playing the lottery and never won, or keep winning low fund not up to 100 bucks, i have been a victim of such a tough life, the biggest fund i have ever won was 100 bucks, and i have been playing lottery for almost 12 years now, things suddenly change the moment i came across a secret online, a testimony of a spell caster called DR EMU, who help people in any type of lottery numbers, i was not easily convinced, but i decided to give try, now i am a proud lottery winner with the help of DR EMU, i won $1,000.0000.00 and i am making this known to every one out there who have been trying all day to win the lottery, believe me this is the only way to win the lottery.

    Contact him via email Emutemple@gmail.com
    What's app +2347012841542
    Https://emutemple.wordpress.com/

    ReplyDelete
  13. To everyone out there who thinks love spells don't work, I’m here to tell you that Lord Zakuza love spell is the best and most powerful. I am a wealthy man who has lots of assets and possessions but I have difficulty with women. Whenever I try to settle down with any, we end up breaking up and I had no idea of why I was going through such an experience in my relationship. It was so worrying that I couldn’t be myself anymore and I started searching for help everywhere even at my place of work. I was going through my work activities online and I came across a testimony of a lady called ( Febe Anouk ) regarding how Lord Zakuza helped her to restore her relationship with his love spell, I had to give it a try because I needed my Ex lover back that I love so much. I visited Lord Zakuza website online and I told him everything I was going through. Lord Zakuza consoled me and promised to help me out with my situation by preparing a love spell for me. I followed the instructions given by him to me and within 48 hours, my Ex lover came looking for me and pleaded for forgiveness. Since I came in contact with Lord Zakuza, things have changed for good in my life and right now, I am married with two beautiful kids and my home is blessed. All thanks to Lord Zakuza I am forever thankful to you. Visit his website for any help via lordzakuzaspells.com or WhatsApp him on +1 740-573-9483. Try him and your life will be blessed.

    ReplyDelete
  14. After being in relationship with Wilson for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that don’t believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I meant a spell caster called Dr Zuma zuk and I email him, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email: spiritualherbalisthealing@gmail.com or WhatsApp him +15068001647 blog: spiritualherbal.blogspot.com you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS

    ReplyDelete
  15. My husband and I have been married for over 10 years. We met when I was 18 and he was 21. We’ve been through a lot emotionally together. There were several HUGE fights and painful situations in our marriage, but we always seemed to come out stronger on the other side. Out of the blue my husband just sprung the divorce talk on me, I was totally depressed until I found the Dr.Todd website online and I ordered a Love spell. You won’t believe my husband called me at the exact time this spell caster finished his spell work in 24hours. I was totally amazed! He is wonderful and his spells work so fast. His contact: manifestspellcast@gmail.com
    https://manifestspellcast.wordpress.com
    https://www.facebook.com/Manifest-Spell-Cast-102179992108255

    ReplyDelete
  16. What would i have done to get my husband back if not for the help of DR JOHN SOCO. my name is Sarah Nicky and I was in totally confused when my husband divorced me and said he was tired of me. My life was nothing without him and i tried all i could to make him cancel the divorce but he said his mind was made up and we went our separate ways. when my friend when searching for help and i was told to get in touch with DR JOHN SOCO for help by an New friend of mine when she heard what i was going through and i hurriedly contacted DR JOHN SOCO and explained everything to him and he told me that my husband will come back to me begging me to accept him back all within 24 hours just like everyone he had helped. DR JOHN SOCO restored the love and connection between me and my husband he truly returned back to me after 24 hours and it still amazes me. For more enquires on how to get in touch with DR JOHN SOCO, Email: drjohnsoco@gmail.com or WhatsApp him on +1 (706) 871 4571..

    ReplyDelete
  17. I really want to thank Dr Emu for saving my marriage. My wife really treated me badly and left home for almost 3 month this got me sick and confused. Then I told my friend about how my wife has changed towards me. Then she told me to contact Dr Emu that he will help me bring back my wife and change her back to a good woman. I never believed in all this but I gave it a try. Dr Emu casted a spell of return of love on her, and my wife came back home for forgiveness and today we are happy again. If you are going through any relationship stress or you want back your Ex or Divorce husband you can contact his whatsapp +2347012841542 or email emutemple@gmail.com website: Https://emutemple.wordpress.com/ Https://web.facebook.com/Emu-Temple-104891335203341

    ReplyDelete

Your comments give me great delight, so please do leave one.

LinkWithin

Blog Widget by LinkWithin