Tuesday, 16 April 2019

A Big Day




Today, I sent off a manuscript to my agent.

I’ve had so many crashes and smashes in my writing career that I had almost given up on the traditional publishing route. I could not deal with the whole dog and pony show, the reliance on whim, the alarming shifts of the market. One day, what you are writing is in fashion; the next, everyone wants something and someone quite else. The endless returning of each manuscript for the endless rewrites started to feel not like work, but like purgatory.

So I thought I’d be a literary entrepreneur. I started publishing my own, idiosyncratic horse books on Amazon. I would press the miracle button and my books would be amazingly available from New Mexico to New Zealand. I began an online writing service, where I acted as a coach and mentor and editor. I could reinvent the entire process, and I would never, ever have to have a meeting again. (I am a fairly extreme introvert, so I absolutely loathe meetings. I am crap at jolly working lunches. I am catastrophic at selling myself in any way.)

And then, out of the blue, my agent suddenly got in touch and asked about the novel for which I had entirely given up hope. It sat, huge and pointless, in my bottom drawer. It had been rewritten so many times, but it was never quite right. 

Astonishingly, she had not forgotten about it. She had been talking of it to complete strangers. Incredulous and invigorated, I got it out and dusted it down and had a look at it. 

Usually, when this happens, the book feels old and stale. It had its moment, and it missed it. This one, however, still hummed and thrummed with life. I could see the places and see the characters and see the slightly eccentric world I had created. I fell in love with it, all over again. As I worked it and worked it, I felt hope rise in me. When I got to the last chapter, I made myself cry. 

Well, I thought, if it makes me cry, then it might make the Dear Reader cry too. 

For four days after finishing this latest edit, I sat with my bad critics, my voices of fear, the gremlins in my head. They had a tremendous party. They told me that it would be the same old, same old. It would be the burst of hope, followed by the crash of disappointment. The complete strangers would have met another agent, with a more thrilling manuscript. The market would shift, yet again. The manuscript would be sent back. My heart would break. The window of Waterstone’s would seem like a bitter dream. 

Don’t expose yourself to that, said the gremlins, shrieking with drunken laughter. Do you really want to fail, for the hundredth time? Run back to your comfort zone, and stay there, with a nice bottle of gin.

Finally, I summoned the Fuck It voices. I love these voices. They really don’t give a stuff. They say, ‘Fuck it, if you don’t try, you’ll never know.’ They say, ‘Sod the world, it’s your book, and it’s beautiful, and you love it, so send it.’ 

So, half an hour ago, I dug myself out of my hole, put my Fuck It hat on, and pressed send. 

Off it has flown, my great big book, into the open spaces where critical eyes may gaze upon it. It’s galloping now, over the prairies, across the Steppes, and who knows where it may find itself? 

And what if the worst comes to the worst? What if the computer says No? Well, I can still press the miracle button and some lovely reader in Albuquerque will be my very own Waterstone’s window. 

18 comments:

  1. Gosh you are inspiring me. I need to dust off the 3 novels and have a whack at doing something with them. I was discouraged by a recent short story of mine that I had slaved over and was rejected.
    Delighted I found your blog. :)

    XO
    WWW

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello everyone. I was heartbroken because i had very small penis, not nice to satisfy a woman, i had so many relationship called off because of my situation, i have used so many product which i found online but none could offer me the help i searched for. i saw some few comments about this specialist called Dr OLU and decided to email him on drolusolutionhome@gmail.com
      so I decided to give his herbal product a try. i emailed him and he got back to me, he gave me some comforting words with his herbal pills for Penis t, Enlargement Within 5 day of it, i began to feel the enlargement of my penis, ” and now it just 2 weeks of using his products my penis is about 10 inches longer and am so happy..feel free to contact DR OLU on(drolusolutionhome@gmail.com)or whatsapp him on this number +2348140654426

      Delete
    2. HOW I GOT MY EX BOYFRIEND BACK WITH THE HELP OF DR PETER. CALL/WHATSAPP +1(321)754-0649

      My name is Elizabeth Flores. All thanks to Dr Peter the best spell caster in the World, I am Writing this as a result of his performance in helping me get my lover back to me within 30 hours after i contacted him. Before i contacted Dr.Peter i read so many testimonies about him on the internet and today i am very happy that i am also writing a testimony about him and his super help that he rended to me in getting my Ex lover Back, If you are seeking for an everlasting solution in getting your lover just contact Dr.Peter via mail Magnificentspellcast@gmail.com or Magnificentspellcast@yahoo.com or Call/Whatsapp +1(321)754-0649 and you can also read more about him via his Website http://magnificentspellcast.website2.me and blog http://magnificentspellcast11.blogspot.com and get your lover Back permanently 100%

      Delete
    3. HOW I GOT MY EX BOYFRIEND BACK WITH THE HELP OF DR PETER. CALL/WHATSAPP +1(321)754-0649

      My name is Elizabeth Flores. All thanks to Dr Peter the best spell caster in the World, I am Writing this as a result of his performance in helping me get my lover back to me within 30 hours after i contacted him. Before i contacted Dr.Peter i read so many testimonies about him on the internet and today i am very happy that i am also writing a testimony about him and his super help that he rended to me in getting my Ex lover Back, If you are seeking for an everlasting solution in getting your lover just contact Dr.Peter via mail Magnificentspellcast@gmail.com or Magnificentspellcast@yahoo.com or Call/Whatsapp +1(321)754-0649 and you can also read more about him via his Website http://magnificentspellcast.website2.me and blog http://magnificentspellcast11.blogspot.com and get your lover Back permanently 100%

      Delete
  2. Hurrah! Everything is crossed for you xxx

    ReplyDelete
  3. "What's the worst that can happen?" is a very useful question a lot of the time :)

    I'm so glad your agent remembered you, and that you still liked your own book (because we can be our own harshest critics), and that you sent it off. Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  4. POWERFUL SPELL CASTER THAT BROUGHT MY EX HUSBAND BACK INTO MY LIFE AFTER HE LEFT ME EMAIL HIM VIA EMAIL INFINITYLOVESPELL@GMAIL.COM OR INFINITYLOVESPELL@YAHOO.COM ADD HIM ON WHATSAPP +2348118829899

    Hello my fellow friends online I'm Diana Gilbert from USA, I want to use this medium to thank Dr Great because he brought back my Ex husband. my husband left me for his ex girlfriend he had before he married me it's a difficult situation for me I called and beg him to come back he refused he said he don't love me anymore I tried every possible way to get him back all was in vain I told my friend about it and she gave me Dr Great email and I emailed him and told him my problem and he told me what to do and I did it and he cast a love spell which brought back my husband within 24 hours. If you need help in getting back together with your Ex, email Dr Great at infinitylovespell@gmail.com or infinitylovespell@yahoo.com WhatsApp him+2348118829899 view his website http://infinitylovespell.website2.me you can also visit my blog http://dianagilbert05.over-blog.com/

    ReplyDelete
  5. HOW I GOT MY EX BOYFRIEND BACK WITH THE HELP OF DR PETER. CALL/WHATSAPP +1(321)754-0649

    My name is Elizabeth Flores. All thanks to Dr Peter the best spell caster in the World, I am Writing this as a result of his performance in helping me get my lover back to me within 30 hours after i contacted him. Before i contacted Dr.Peter i read so many testimonies about him on the internet and today i am very happy that i am also writing a testimony about him and his super help that he rended to me in getting my Ex lover Back, If you are seeking for an everlasting solution in getting your lover just contact Dr.Peter via mail Magnificentspellcast@gmail.com or Magnificentspellcast@yahoo.com or Call/Whatsapp +1(321)754-0649 and you can also read more about him via his Website http://magnificentspellcast.website2.me and blog http://magnificentspellcast11.blogspot.com and get your lover Back permanently 100%

    ReplyDelete
  6. I’m so excited my broken Marriage has been restored. “We recently made up, even though it was difficult. It’s been more than a month now, and everything feels like it’s returned to normal. He has began to treat me better, and it’s been a healing process for both of us. The nightmare that had lasted for almost 2 years before we broke up is finally over. It’s like we fell in love all over again! We’ve both put the past behind us, and are trying to move forward – and for the first time in a long time, the future looks a lot brighter. I can’t express in words how grateful I am Dr Great! It’s like we’ve finally rediscovered those things about each other that made us fall in love in the first place. All of the worrying and stress has simply vanished. Thank you Dr Great for saving my broken Marriage and brought my husband back to me!”. Me and my husband are living together happily again.. All thanks to Dr Great. If you have any problem contact Dr Great now and i guarantee you that he will help you contact him through

     infinitylovespell@gmail.com or infinitylovespell@yahoo.com

    WhatsApp +2348118829899

    website http://infinitylovespell.website2.me/

    ReplyDelete
  7. It got to a stage in my life i felt it was impossible for me to get lousa back cause she left me heartbroken and to a guy who was far younger and richer than me. After meeting so many spell casters and no result i felt cheated and vowed never to try and spellcaster again in my life and i am ment to be a looser for the rest of my life.until my friend john contacted me and told me about prophet mamudu and finally convince me to contact him. after a week i decided to give him a try and suprisingly within 3days i got the results i have been looking for after many months of seaching my angel came back and lit my life up once again i am finally a happy man.to also get help with your life email at (Drma
    mudu47@gmail. com) or call or whatsapp +2347061836063 and i promise you will also share your own testimony.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Are you a Blockchain user? Are you facing error in accessing your account due to password errors? Do you want to fix your password errors with utmost guidance? If you are dealing with the password error and want to fix it then all you can do is dial Blockchain support number. The customer professionals will there to assist you and help you at every step so that you can fix the password error with opportune solutions and remedies. Feel free to approach them to eradicate your issues in fraction of time. The purpose of customer executive support team is to let users enjoy seamless services of Blockchain in error less manner.

    ReplyDelete
  9. PROFESSIONAL SPELL CASTER WHO CAN HELP YOU WITH LOVE-SPELL TO GET YOUR EX LOVER BACK URGENTLY AFTER BREAKUP/DIVORCE EVEN IF YOUR SITUATION SEEMS HOPELESS! CONTACT: INFINITYLOVESPELL@GMAIL.COM IS CERTAINLY THE BEST SPELL CASTER ONLINE AND HIS RESULT IS 100% GUARANTEE.. 

    After 3 Years in a relationship with my Boyfriend, my Boyfriend started going out with other girls and showing me cold love, on several occasions he threatens to broke-up with me if I dare question him about his affair with other girls, I was totally devastated and confused until an old friend of mine told me about a spell caster on the internet DR GREAT who help people with their relationship and marriage problem by the powers of love Spells, At first I doubted If such thing ever exists but decided to give it a try, When I contact him, he told me everything I needed to do and I did and he helped me cast a Love Spell and within 28Hours my boyfriend came back to me and started apologizing, now he has stopped going out with girls and he is with me for good and for real. Contact this Great spell Caster for your relationship or marriage problem. 
    Here's his contact..

    CALL/WHATSAPP: +2348118829899

    EMAIL: infinitylovespell@gmail.com  OR  infinitylovespell@yahoo.com 

    WEBSITE: http://infinitylovespell.website2.me/ 

    BLOG http://infinitylovespell1.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  10. I never believed that i will be happy again after much frustration. I have been rejected by my husband after Six(6) years of marriage just because he met another woman and he left me and the kids to suffer. One day when i was reading through the web i stumbled at a post on how chief dr lucky the great spell caster has helped people to restore broken marriages and relationships and curing of diseases. I emailed him immediately to help my situation via: chiefdrlucky@gmail.com He told me not to worry that my husband will return to me begging and shedding tears of forgiveness. I am so happy that my husband actually returned to me in 48 hours after i obeyed the words and instructions of chief dr lucky. contact him today in any of your problems for a lasting solution via: chiefdrlucky@gmail.com or call/whats app +2348132777335 Website: http://chiefdrluckysolutionhome.website2.me/  

    ReplyDelete
  11. I have been married with my wife for 6 years and recently she broke up with me and it hurt me deeply when she told me to leave her alone and that she does not love me anymore when i was always faithful and honest to her. I tried all the ways to get her back buying her what she wants like i always did and she still left me heart broken and she even has a new boyfriend which destroyed me even more until a friend of mine from high school directed me to Dr Emu. This man changed my life completely. I followed everything he told me to do and my wife came back. I was stunned everything happened exactly like he told me. I had faith in everything he told me and everything was true. You can contact him via email: Emutemple@gmail.com He will help you in anything you need and quick to answer once you contact him through his whats-app number: +2347012841542 Website: http://emutemple.website2.me/

    ReplyDelete

Your comments give me great delight, so please do leave one.

LinkWithin

Blog Widget by LinkWithin