Saturday, 31 October 2015

Just one.

I missed my mum a lot today. The racing was on, and in the old days the telephone would have rung just after Don Cossack, one of the most ravishing horses in training, romped home at Down Royal. ‘Wasn’t he grand?’ she would have said. ‘Did you see that?’

This morning, I cancelled her Racing Post. It is ordered every Saturday, and I take it to her and stay to drink coffee and talk about the day’s runners. That routine is no more. I found the whole thing almost more heart-breaking than anything else.

I wanted to tell the ladies in the shop, who are kind and funny and know me well. But I could not get the words out. They knew. ‘Just one next week?’ they said, in sympathy.

‘Just one,’ I said.


Today’s picture:

My mother, looking serene, and me, looking very grumpy indeed. I did get quite cross with the grown-ups, because at that stage I was convinced I was twenty-one and did not understand why I could not stay up for dinner or go to night-clubs. (It was the seventies; everyone went to night-clubs.) Poor Mum, what she had to put up with.

31 Oct 1 1865x2243


  1. My Mum was only 56 when she died many years ago and I still miss her every day but the pain of loss does gradually diminish - and you still have your memories to cherish.

  2. Tania, what a stunning image! I do hope you have that framed up and close by so you can glance up at that gorgeous blond grumpiness and your mother's serene beauty.

    Oh, I am sorry. Those wonderful habits we develop with our parents as we get older are even extra special I think, because we recognise them as such.
    Much love to you xxx

  3. Your face in that photo looks exactly as it does now.
    Lovely pic.

  4. That is a brilliant photograph.
    Sometimes it is the small acts of kindness and understanding that are so poignant. x

  5. Hi Tania, just to say... yes, those moments when you expect the person to call or turn up and then they don't, are so, so hard. Hope you are ok, sending you good thoughts, Rachel

  6. Your mother looks absolutely beautiful, and very serene.

  7. Your mother looks absolutely beautiful, and very serene.


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