Monday, 25 February 2013

Good news. But a slight failure in processing.

I got GOOD NEWS today.

I’ve been working on a secret project, something quite new and faintly unexpected. It was all because of my friend The Playwright, who rang up one morning and said: ‘I know what you should do.’

As all members of my family know, I do not take kindly to being told what to do. I’m not normally touchy, but, for some mysterious reason, in this area I’m like an Oscar diva being told that her manicure is all wrong. I can bridle and kick out at even the mildest suggestion. Even though I know most of them are meant kindly, and gently, the cussed bronco in me sees them as insidious judgement. What I want to scream, but mostly don’t is: are you telling me I don’t know how to run my own life? Or: do you think I am a snivelling IDIOT????

So it is some reflection of the love and awe with which I view The Playwright that he is pretty much the only person who can say this kind of thing to me and live.

Anyway, I followed his suggestion. The secret project was born. It went through a few twists and turns, stops and starts, jerks and swerves. It got reviewed and reincarnated, and then, hesitantly, I mentioned it to The Agent.

She asked for a lot of material. I wrote it, madly, rushing up to a hard deadline. Then: silence de glace. She was busy, she was in New York, she was being an International Woman of Mystery.

After a while, I convinced myself that it was so bad she genuinely did not know what to say. She had run out of pages in the thesaurus. I suspected that she was hoping if she went very quiet I might just forget about the whole thing and move to Canada.

Finally, this morning, the email arrived. Luckily, I was too busy to avoid reading it. If I have too much time to think with these things, I will procrastinate like gangbusters.

She likes it. She really, really likes it. She said kind things. There is a lot of work to do and a long road to travel, but the glimmer of gold stars was there.

The funny thing is that this has not sunk in yet. I am delighted, of course. But the week is so packed and fraught, my logistics are so demanding just now, that the brain appears unable to process Good News. Yes, yes, it says, immediately firing back an email about how the work can be done and the required changes can be made; yes, of course, it says, already mapping out the twisting way forward.

There is a little tinny trumpet in the background, echoing plaintively, offering a little tattoo of triumph. But I could not hear it very well.

It is good. I am happy. I’ll process it later, when my shoulders are not up around my ears. I’m going down to Red now, to tell her. She doesn’t really give a bugger about agents, but she is very excellent about pretending she cares.

This morning, when we were doing schooling circles, she suddenly stuck her tail straight up in the air and began doing a prancing, snorting canter. We were really only doing quiet work, but some devilry caught her. She was not being naughty or evasive; she was doing exactly what I asked of her. But the wild grigs were in her, the voices of her ancient past calling, her fine blood was up, and I looked at her and felt overwhelmed with delight.

So, it’s not as if I’m not feeling anything. I suppose the feelings she generates are incredibly simple ones. Mostly love, but also amusement, awe, admiration, and some visceral connection to the animal world. She does something wonderful, I am happy. She does something absurd, I kill myself with laughter. Yesterday, with her delicate mouth, she picked up the little hopper that we use for clearing the dung, and handed it over to the Horse Talker, as if to say: this field needs a bit of work. It cracked me up.

So it’s not as if my emotions are shut down. This is the kind of news that normally would have me doing cartwheels, yet I am not, quite. I feel a little battered and disbelieving. I suppose work is always complicated. Perhaps I had tensed myself for failure for so long that it will take a moment or two to realise that there is now the glimmer of success.


Today’s pictures:

It was a beautiful day today. But I have not had time to go through the pictures. So this is a small archive selection:

25 Feb 1

25 Feb 2

25 Feb 3

25 Feb 4

25 Feb 6

25 Feb 7

25 Feb 8

25 Feb 8-001

Sleeping in the snow:

25 Feb 10

And just sleeping:

25 Feb 11

And doing her Minnie the Moocher:

25 Feb 12

M the P:

25 Feb 13

25 Feb 14

Autumn the Filly:

25 Feb 16


25 Feb 21

24 Feb 20

This is actually today’s hill, in the astonishing Scottish light:25 Feb 33


  1. A much wiser person that I shall ever be has remarked that All Change Is Stressful, including the lovely improvements in life, like moving to a nicer gaff, getting a better job, retiring altogether, or having a baby, or getting a pup, or marrying one's heartsease or divorcing that huge mistake that one's youthful self made before the scales fell from the eyes. Even in the midst of the Whoop Whoop there is the Oh God, what have I taken on?

    But plugging on doing the same-old same-old and never risking putting a toe out of the comfort zome is even worse for the health, I've also heard said.

    So there we have it. The only solid unchanging certainty in life is that it is mutable. Hurray for flux!!

    And let's hear it for encouragement. Sometimes it can be the smallest kind word that does it.

  2. It's a good news kind of day! I hope you find some time to let it sink in. Congratulations!

  3. Is there something in the air? I have that exact feeling you describe. Things are not bad (some would say bordering on good) and yet I feel like I don't want to believe it. I am obstinate. Your good news is a much more solid thing and you should sleep on it. Tomorrow it will seem better and better. Meanwhile today I read 'I feel bad about my neck' by Nora Ephron and I loved it. I howled at the end too. As in real fat tears!! But her writing reminded me of yours; honest, sprinkled with wit, intimate, oh-so recognisable of the human condition. Lou x

  4. Oooh. I keep all things crossed for it being new fiction.
    I looked at your line of books on the shelf a few days ago, I was rearranging things out of arms reach of the little fella, and I thought oh....a new addition would be so good. That it could really be so is wildly exciting...!
    So glad for good news.

  5. We'll enjoy hearing about it in due time. I especially enjoyed reading of the processing of your news. A wise approach.

  6. Hurrah! Will look forward to hearing about it. (That sounds a lot more patient than I am. I mean please hurry up and tell us!)

    Lovely pics of all your dear ones. And, oh, the ears. :)

  7. C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S !!!!!!!!!

    ************************************************** (<-- gold stars)


Your comments give me great delight, so please do leave one.


Blog Widget by LinkWithin