Hipsta what?

Posted by Tania Kindersley.

I know I should embark on a disquisition about The Big Society, but I don't quite have the heart. I was so excited about this election. My geeky little political junkie's heart beat fast with anticipation. I have to admit to a shattering sense of anti-climax. Despite the glorious BBC doing its absolute and utter best, despite the joy of a double dose of This Week, possibly my favourite programme ever, despite the political writers writing their hearts out, it all feels horribly, irredeemably flat. I cannot quite identify why. They really are not all the same, and there are some serious philosophical arguments being had. And yet, and yet. I wonder if it has to do with elephants, and rooms. I grow daily frustrated with what is being not said.

So, instead, I am going to talk about my iphone. Don't worry, not for long. I hate my iphone. My groovy friend Paul made me get it, and although I loathe being told what to do with a burning passion, I almost always obey when he speaks. What he did not tell me is that you have to recharge it every five minutes. What is so damn clever about THAT? (And why is there a conspiracy of silence around the maddening need for the relentless recharging?) Also, I don't like the tapping thing you have to do; it makes me feel as if I have fat clumsy fingers. I often find the whole contraption slightly baffling. It comes with the most cursory instructions, as if Steve Jobs expects us all to understand every last working of any Apple product by osmosis. I object to the very word 'app', one of the ugliest neologisms in the entire wide world. The apps themselves I find heart-sinkingly disappointing.

However, thanks to my blogging friends India Knight and Miss Whistle, I discover that it does have one redeeming feature. It is an application called Hipstamatic, and it makes the otherwise shoddy iphone camera take pictures as if we were all back in the halcyon days of childhood. It reminds me of trips to the beach at Frinton and summers when the sun shone all the time. I love it. Almost single-handed, it has stopped me staring at my malevolent black device with fury.

Here are my first shots.

Room with dog:

Lawn with other dog:

(Even out of focus dog somehow looks elegant.)

Yet another shot of first dog, because you can never really have enough:

(Observe 'yeah, yeah, but when are we going to play with the ball' face, as is tradition.)

And there they both are together, in a strange nostalgic haze:

My chair suddenly looks as if it was taken in 1955:

My oddly green garden is clearly a den of swallows and amazons:

It is almost impossible to take a good picture with an iphone camera. The lovely thing about Hipstamatic is that its special effects mean that rotten photographs (which I admit these absolutely are) appear rather charming.

Now I must go and listen to the news.

PS Oh, oh, OH - on the news, at this very moment as I type, Vince Cable is talking of 'the elephant in the room'. Then he goes and ruins it by only mentioning the deficit, not the debt. He ruins it is bit more by making a self-regarding joke: 'I am the elephant man'. Not that funny and not that clever, really. And may I just crossly point at that the Liberal Democrats have their very own elephant in their very own room, which is that they are never going to win the election. Some of their policies are quite interesting, but they spoil the whole thing by making this childish pretence that any of them will ever be implemented. If only Nick Clegg or Vince Cable would admit this unavoidable fact, then I would take them seriously. As it is, it just puts me in mind of children playing dress up.