Sunday, 15 May 2011


Posted by Tania Kindersley.

Yesterday was a happy day. Here are some of the things I cooked:

14 May 1-1

14 May 3-1

14 May 4

14 May 5-1

I was very proud of my cheese straws:

14 May 2-2

Cooking is good, at a time like this. It is both literal and symbolic, which feels important.

I am conscious that I am not yet quite ready for people I do not know very well. There is an odd sense of relearning a language. I keep thinking that I am quite fine, that I am coming back to equilibrium. Look: I can laugh and make conversation. Then I think: did I just say that thing very, very loud? Or: where did the point of that sentence go? I talk too fast, or suddenly stutter. It's absolutely almost normal, and it is not normal at all. I can't explain it much better than that.

Late last night, I violently missed my dad, for no particular reason. It came out of nowhere, like a high wind, roared through me, and blew out to the west.

Today I think: stillness is the thing. It is a low, grey day. The dog is sleeping at my feet. The house is quite silent.

Outside, the lilacs are flowering:

14 May 2

14 May 3

And the little chive flowers are standing to attention:

14 May 1

Here is The Pigeon, listening to the lambs calling in the west meadow:

14 May 5

And here is the hill:

14 May 10


  1. Just so you know, we're here...releasing a steady stream of positive energy in your direction, silently cheering each forward movement, admiring the way you keep coming here to share, and encourage those of us who perhaps haven't fared as well in your situation. Perhaps you don't want the responsibility, but you are an inspiration. Thank you for that.

  2. I'm selfishly pleased that you are still posting on the blog throughout these dark days. It comforts me to know that I can see that you are all right. There are still chives and there is still the hill. Lou x

  3. What delicious looking food! Such a lovely contribution to your neice's memorable day.
    It's hard to keep moving forward at times, but there is always beauty out there to help us take the next step. Thank you for your posts.

  4. What Jean P said.

    And I love the little Chinese spoons full of yummy things.


  5. Jean P has said it perfectly...(good work Jean!)x
    Am glad for the happy day and the change of focus, for a few hours at least. Great cheese straws - aren't they just so satisfying to make?!...ooh, did you add mustard?
    Dearest wishes to you and P.

  6. So happy you had a happy day. Food looks wonderfully delicious. And a wedding! And a beautiful gift!
    Like Jean P said, we're absolutely cheering you on.

  7. I like Lou am glad to see you still here as it means I cna see you are okay. Sorry I could not comment on earlier blogs, life and the blogger downtime got in the way.

    I cannot begin to get my head round what you are going through but I know there is a lot of love for you here. I am also quite amazed at the food you made. It makes me ever so hungry.

  8. I am trying very hard not to swear at Blogger but honestly, it's driving me demented. I've been trying to comment on here since Thursday and I think I've had every single error message possible. I shall attempt it for the 97889734th time.

    All I wanted to say was that there was a piece in this week's Horse & Hound about your dad. In case you haven't seen it, I'm happy to scan it in and send it over to you.


    ps - the food looks astonishingly good! You must have the patience of a saint to produce all those intricate little canapes.


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