Sunday, 29 May 2011


Posted by Tania Kindersley.

I am cross and tired and sad.

The very fact that I may admit that is a small triumph. What I would really like to say is oh, you know, I'm fine. Look me, being fine. Watch me being marvellously good at being fine.

Oddly, I know that underneath everything, I probably am fine. Feeling sad and tired does not represent a failure of the human spirit, but a reality of the human condition. We can't all be bluebirds and butterflies every damn day. This is not a piece of musical theatre. It is real life.

The sun shone hard and the wind blew. On the radio, someone said that there were blizzards in the North-West. Blizzards? In May? I thought: oh I do hope there is no one up on those mountains with the snow coming in and no hat.

Here are some pretty pictures, to make up for everything:

29 May 0

29 May 2

29 May 3

29 May 5

29 May 5-1

29 May 8

29 May 9

29 May 10-1


The Pigeon was looking particularly beautiful today. She has perked up a bit, and I think the Older Niece's vitamins are doing a sterling job:

29 May 10

The wind blew her ears up in the air, which made me think of Snoopy, and made me laugh:

29 May 11

And the coos stared at us in astonishment:

29th May 1

The hill:

29 May 13

Thank you for the lovely comments, which arrive each day, to make me smile and keep me going. I talk often of the kindness of strangers, and this is it, in its full flowering. It also keeps my faith in human nature. Everyone always says the internet is such an angry, intemperate place. Not in this little corner, it isn't. Here, it is the place where we may remind each other we are not alone. So many of you have gone through similar things to me, and generously send your empathy through the ether. It is the true sense of community, and it astonishes and delights.


  1. Bluebirds and butterflies every damn day? Oh, pur-lease. How nauseating that would be.

    Cross is good, actually. I know that the times I feel worst are those when I am just sad, but resigned and without the energy to do anything about it. When some kind of anger comes into it there is the energy of doing something.

    I love the Snoopy ears. It made me laugh, too.

    Don't say you're fine until it's the truth.


  2. I'm a little scared of the people who are bluebirds and butterflies every damn day. Sometimes I want to ask them what medication they're on. What's the secret?

    I'm glad you posted this. I feel off today too and sometimes it's nice to know you're not the only one. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for the both of us!

  3. I loved reading your post....I am having sad and challenging times right now and it's hard to stay happy and positive all the time. It's also totally exhausting.

    I am glad that you are surrounded by family, as you quite rightly say, you don't have to explain anything to them and that in itself is quite a relief isn't it?

    As always, I love your photos....why I don't live somewhere as beautiful as this I have no idea. I must be mad.

    Take care Tania, sending love to you xxxx

  4. Thinking of you and the Pigeon as always, as Cassie wisely says, don't you dare say it's fine until it really is.
    Love the differing centre of focus in these shots, the luscious green leaves and that glorious peony, my late Mum's absolute favourite - that beginning to flower and the swallows coming back were her heralds of warmer weather and summer on the way.
    Much love.

  5. You sound pretty healthy to me, dear Tania, though I'm neither an MD nor a shrink. But I'm old (oh, sweet Lord, ancient) and have had much contact over the years with grieving folk. Grieved quite a bit myself, and I'd say you are a remarkably stable woman, mentally and emotionally, who is faring rather well considering the beating you've taken.

    Now if you just could teach the Pigeon to dance like Snoopy (the ear IS flying, isn't it?).


Your comments give me great delight, so please do leave one.


Blog Widget by LinkWithin