Saturday, 7 April 2012


Posted by Tania Kindersley.

Something amazing happened today. I think the mare has decided this is home. She is all soft and dreamy, head low, leaning her forehead against me for love, no longer scanning the horizon for predators.

I give her a day off because we worked hard yesterday, and it was so good that I wanted her to have a little rest. I went up to see her in the field, to check her over and give her some love. I read an interview with the good jockey Christian Williams in the Racing Post this week, where he said that people who work with horses are only really happy when they are around horses. ‘A horse is your friend,’ he said.

It is true. My horse is my friend. Something in her has shifted. She has made her big decision. I am her person. This is her place.

When I went up tonight, she walked towards me for the first time. Normally she stands, like the Queen of Sheba, graciously assenting to being approached. Now, she shook her head, and ambled to me, staring straight into my eyes, and presenting her head to be stroked. I cannot tell you how that one, small, insignificant thing made my heart dance. It was as if she said: oh, I’m glad it’s you.

I stood with her for a long time. I found the precise location of her sweet spot. I was close before but tonight I found it definitively. It is in the small hollow just behind her ears, and if I scratch there she goes into a kind of trance. When a horse is at peace, that peace radiates out, like a balm. You can almost feel it, coming in waves. I stood with her, smiling like a loon. I said: ‘It would not be possible for me to love you more, even if I had two hearts.’

The Pigeon looked up, slightly reproachful. ‘Yes,’ I said. ‘And I could not love you more, either.’

So this is what I have become. The sort of woman who speaks aloud to horses and dogs of love. I frown and screw up my face as I stare at the screen, wondering what conclusion I should draw from that. Is it a good thing or a bad thing? Should I try and make a little joke, quickly change the subject, draw a veil? There is an absurdity to it, after all. But you know, as someone once said to me, I think it was my wise sister, after my dog died and I was having trouble mourning her and my dad at the same time: love is love. Dog, horse, human; love is love. I think that is the thing that matters, more than anything else.

Some quick pictures for you:

Easter table:

7 April 1 07-04-2012 09-10-17 3024x4032

7 April 2 07-04-2012 09-10-30 4032x3024

7 April 4 06-04-2012 12-17-54 4032x3024

Red's view:

7 April 10 07-04-2012 09-46-11 4032x3024

7 april 11 07-04-2012 09-46-15 3955x1649

7 April 11 07-04-2012 09-50-02 4032x3024

My darling mare:

7 April 5 07-04-2012 09-47-10 4032x3024

7 April 8 07-04-2012 09-40-46 3024x4032

7 April 9 07-04-2012 09-45-02 2931x3012

It kills me when the Pigeon does her moony face:

7 April 9 07-04-2012 09-11-08 3024x4032

7 April 10 06-04-2012 11-38-08 3024x4032

And the hill:

7 April 15 06-04-2012 11-38-24 2881x2020


  1. I have bought your book, the Backwards book.

    Don't hold your breath about the royalties as it was secondhand off Amazon and cost one whole earth penny, with almost three quid postage. I read about fifty pages this afternoon, and note somewhat sadly that you and Ms Vine don't seem to have put inter-species love there in your notable types of love. You have love of things and love of places and love of friends, but oh! where is the love of our familiar furry (or scaly or feathered) fellow beings?

    We are almost always so much better for our affinity with animals. I feel very, very sorry for anyone who passes through this veil of tears and never feels it.

    Today we took the terrier for a run on the beach. You would never know he was ten to look at him when he is frolicking on the edge of the foam. We had to drive an hour there and an hour back but he loves it SO!

    Really looking forward to reading more of Backwards over the hols. It's funny, I think can tell straightaway which bits are particularly yours. You have an honest authorial voice.

    1. SO delighted you bought Backwards. Did I not mention the dog love? Probably still a bit shy about being so stranded on Dog Island.

  2. Regarding the previous commenter: I completely agree, your bits of the book shine out to me as they are you. Anyway - love is love - and I am in the depths of it with my dog. He nearly escaped onto the road today and I am ashamed to say it has occupied my thoughts all day. What if...? I could not stand it. So he gives me the moon face and I think: love is love. Don't tell my husband ;-) L x

  3. Your sister is wise. Love is love. It doesn't matter one hoot who you love..just as long as you love. And with Red and are able to know the best of love.
    I'm blessed too Tania...I have the perfect partner to love, have loved for 39 years, and now he is fragile and a little bit lost, and I wonder if my love can save him.
    Let's pray for love, for the power of love.

    1. Seeing our previously dependable and capable menfolk go through a fragile phase is at once touching and terrifying, isn't it?. I am sure they feel the same when their previously dependable and capable partners have a major wobble. My husband has of late been made redundant and retired this very week. I am hyper-alert, more anxious than I can remember being for years, lest he hates it and pines for the world of work. Any major adaptation can be fraught. Please accept my best wishes for yours.

    2. Jacqueline - What a lovely comment; so sorry to hear about yr partner. But I think love really can work wonders. It's the thing of knowing there is someone to believe in you also, esp after a huge change. :)

  4. The snow has disappeared!that is the first thing that struck me! Have a wonderful blessed Easter with much love and happiness.

    1. Mystica - always so lovely to hear from you, and thank you for yr kind Easter wishes.

  5. Just catching up here.

    in our house the mooney face is also recognized as the " Oh you can't quite finish that bite, shall I give it a go"?


    1. Jane - love that very helpful mooney face.

  6. >>> The sort of woman who speaks aloud to horses and dogs of love. <<<

    And they understand. Sounds like an achievement to me. Inter-species---the next step up from communicating with your own.


    1. Bird - the inter-species is so fascinating and satisfying and hurrah for it.

  7. Oops, meant to add--

    >>> staring straight into my eyes <<<

    Wow. How lovely. You are a trusted member of her world.

    And her new halter is just right too ~ not only nice leather, but just the right color for a red mare, too. ;-)



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